Harry Kane scored within two minutes of his England debut against Lithuania and with it concluded the evolution of man.
The hero English football doesn’t deserve (but needs right now) nodded in the first of his inevitable record haul for the national team only 80 seconds after blessing the game with his celestial presence.
Onlookers claimed that red roses bloomed whence he tread as he graced the Wembley pitch for the first time as a full international and shone a majestic light into our otherwise dreary and pointless lives.
Kane now has an average strike rate of 4.5 goals per game for England – a world record – and Darwinists agree that this is what billions of years of evolution was all leading to.
Marvel and DC Comics have taken the dramatic step of shutting up shop as nothing could possibly compete with the superhero antics that the Walthamstow man is serving up on a weekly basis.
As for the player himself, Kane was seen weeping at the final whistle, for there were no more worlds to conquer.
