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30th Mar 2015

Confused hipster ends up on Anfield pitch – special report

Raul this confusion...

Nooruddean Choudry

In an embarrassing gaffe by Liverpool officials, a random hipster was paraded around Anfield yesterday to warm applause from the fans.

The awkward misunderstanding occurred during the emotional All-Star charity match featuring sides skippered by Liverpool legends Jamie Carragher and Steven Gerrard.

The star-studded affair was marred by the sight of a confused Johnny D. Wildebeest roaming the pitch looking for “somewhere I could enjoy a nice cup of artisan coffee and some toast with bacon jam.”

It seems Wildebeest, real name Dave McGuire, had been mistaken for former Liverpool player Raul Meireles whilst scouting locations for a new burger venture funded by his parents.

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“At first I thought I was being invited to some sort of secret cinema event but I’ve never heard of Stevie Gee, or seen any of his films. Not unless they were part of French new wave,” said the prick.

Despite the confusion Wildebeest, who is clearly too old to dress like he does, styled out the misunderstanding by waving at supporters and soaking in the misappropriated cheers.Shake Shack Raises Prices For Upcoming IPO : News Photo

“It did seem strange but I suspected they’d got wind of my new menu for Spunk Burgers, and were excited about my signature burger within two burgers instead of buns,” the total walloper went on.

Steven Gerrard for his part was philosophical about the misunderstanding: “Obviously it’s unfortunate but fair play to the lad – he did more on the pitch in 10 minutes than that imposter Meireles ever did.”