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06th Jun 2015

Unrepentant Brendan Rodgers throws his own grandmother under a bus

The pusherman...

Nooruddean Choudry

Brendan Rodgers has defended his decision to throw his own nan under a moving vehicle…

The Anfield boss was already under fire from all quarters following a disappointing season that saw Liverpool finish eight points shy of a Champions League spot.

Shoving an elderly relative into the path of public transport was the last thing Rogders needed, but the 42-year-old was adamant he had little choice but to perform the gran push.

“You get to the stage where there’s no one left to sacrifice. I’m used to throwing most of my players under the bus, but they’re all away on their holidays,” said Brendan.

“I can usually rely on Mario Balotelli if I need a quick victim – he practically relishes the role of playing in traffic – but the boy’s been acting unusually sane recently.”

Rodgers had already done his fair share of deflection this week by ousting first-team coach Mike Marsh, and has plans to accidentally-on-purpose sacrifice old friend and assistant Colin Pascoe too.

But this Friday it was grandma’s turn. She was said to be shaken but unsurprised by his grandson’s act of looking after number one at the expense of others.

“He’s an arse-covering little sh*t is our Brendan. But what are you gonna do? He’s hardly going to bear any of the responsibility himself, is he?” said the old dear.

The Liverpool manager was relieved to announce that his grandmother would be making a full recovery: “She has shown great character. Plus I’ll need her in case we experience a bad run of form next season.”