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27th Mar 2018

Jesse Lingard got nominated for a Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award and lost

The Ballon what? The Ballon d'Or? Who cares mate.

Kyle Picknell

Some players set their sights on the Ballon D’or. For others, it’s Top Goalscorer. For Jesse Lingard, it’s all about a Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award.

Somehow, and I’m not sure how, it hasn’t been mentioned much that Jesse Lingard was nominated for a Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award this year.

Not only that, but he lost, and not only that, but he lost to a kid whose only notable trait, other than the mad dance he does, is wearing a backpack. He is, predictably, known as the “Backpack Kid”. This is the guy Jesse Lingard lost to. The Backpack Kid.

In what was truly a clash of the titans with Lingard’s “Milly Rock”, the yer da rage inducer he uses to celebrate goals now and then, going up against other coordinated bodily movements in the extremely prestigious category of Favourite Dance Trend.

If you need reminding, which you shouldn’t, this is what the man destined to fire England to third in the group stages at this summer’s World Cup was bringing to the party.

And this is what he lost to. Deservedly, may I add. Extremely deservedly. This kid looks like he has more arms than an aeroplane propellor attached to an octopus attached to a slightly larger octopus, even though he only has two arms. Mental.

Whilst Lingard will no doubt be disappointed, he can at least take solace in the fact that he lost to the better man, a true phenomenon of the sport. The Backpack Kid, by the way, is only 16, and looks set to dominate the highly competitive Favourite Dance Trend game for decades to come. Perhaps forever. We shall see.

With that in mind, I’d advise Jesse to start working on a new celebration for the 2018/19 season, as it appears he will have to dab himself into oblivion like a dying supernova if he wants to take down the reigning champion. I, for one, wish him all the best.

Great sportsmanship anyway. What the game needed.