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20th Feb 2017

Alan Shearer has the internet running for their safe spaces after burger joke

Too harsh?

Conan Doherty

Apology incoming.

Alan Shearer must’ve had his head buried in the sand when the world was moving on.

He mustn’t realise that it is *insert year here for appropriate outrage*.

He obviously doesn’t give one damn about being politically correct when it would be so easy to do so.

  • Rule number one: don’t make a joke.
  • Rule number two: don’t even think about making a joke that pokes fun at someone.
  • Jokes are a thing of the past.

Never laugh or try to make anyone else laugh.

And there are a few other simple elements to follow too:

  • If something is in any way relevant in the news and being talked about by anyone anywhere, you cannot have an opinion on it.
  • Because you’re wrong.
  • Because you’ll offend someone.

Finally, remember:

  • Everything is offensive.

If you don’t want to offend someone, don’t do or say anything. But don’t do nothing either, because then you’ll be part of the problem.

It’s hard to see where Alan Shearer is struggling with this concept and, ahead of Arsenal’s FA Cup clash with Sutton United, the BBC pundit really went for it with not just a joke, but an insulting one at that too.

Sutton’s sub goalkeeper Wayne Shaw has come to the attention of the world during this phenomenal FA Cup run and it hasn’t been because of his shot-stopping.

Shearer actually used to play with him as a youngster but he cracked a joke about the pair’s differing career paths since those days:

“I followed my dreams to the Premier League,” Shearer said. “He followed his to the burger van.”

Cue: outrage.


Out of order.

Out of order.






Shearer stands over it though.

And now that it’s on Wikipedia, it can’t be undone.