Marge and Homer haven’t touched the place in 30 years, but this is what 742 Evergreen Terrace would look like if it was given a makeover It’s telling that most of us will be able to perfectly picture the interior of the iconic home of The Simpsons – 742 Evergreen Terrace – simply by closing our eyes […]

7 years ago

A model professional for almost the entirety of his nine seasons at the club, Laurent Koscielny has now decided to act the diva. You just love to see it Waking up as an Arsenal fan these days has an air of crushing familiarity to it. Oh, look, we’re still not signing any of the really […]

7 years ago

Do you have the speed, the strength, the heart to be a winner? / It’s not for beginners / Deep down in your soul, are you a Gladiator? So goes the greatest TV theme tune of all time, created for the greatest TV show of all time: Gladiators. I was fortunate enough to see one […]

7 years ago

The most disturbing aspect of it is, of course, the music Honestly, what the fuck is that music? Even the Zapruder film, which contains actual scatted brains and skull, is more watchable than this awful, twee Manchester United-branded film of all their semi-useless players strolling around in sandals to a soundtrack that would be more […]

7 years ago

Happy 18th birthday to the greatest sitcom of all time Here’s a quiz. It’s about quotes from The Office. You know, to celebrate the 18th anniversary of the very first episode of The Office. All you have to do is choose the correct word or phrase to complete the quote. It is honestly that simple. You’ll get full marks […]

7 years ago

Materazzi was gripping Zidane’s shirt as though clinging on to the face of a cliff. Mentally, maybe he was Don’t do it, Zizou. Remember Buffon, arrogantly pointing to where he was going to dive when you stepped up to take the penalty? He knows you favour the bottom left, hard and low, and he knows […]

7 years ago

Leicester City are, clearly, charging by square inch of skull Eighty million pounds for Leicester’s Harry Maguire. Say the words. Run your tongue over them. Gargle them in your mouth. Now spit. What do they taste like, those words? That concept? It’s a peculiar flavour, isn’t it? An odd texture. Eighty million Great British pounds […]

7 years ago

Nick Kyrgios arrived at Wimbledon this year like a tornado announcing its presence to a decrepit garden shed Or a sale-hungry shopper to a medium-sized branch of Next on a bank holiday Monday. He rampaged through the place, this preserve of quaint strawberry-munching politeness, this last bastion of pure, bespoke, Britishness, and tipped it on its […]

7 years ago

Not since Barcelona’s La Masia in the early 2000s has an academy produced such a promising crop of young players So here we are: Hawkins Town are set to embark on their third season in the Netflix top flight after two strong campaigns that saw them solidify their position among Stranger Things elite sides. The squad, for […]

7 years ago

7 years ago

It’s been a while But. BUT. The JOE Wikipedia quiz is finally back, with something closer to resembling a whimper than a bang. If you don’t know by now, the premise is simple. We give you the career section taken from a footballer’s Wikipedia page, you tell us who it is out of the three […]

7 years ago

On July 1st 2013, David Moyes’ six-year contract with Manchester United began We are now, incredibly, six years on. What has changed? Well, everything, really. Moyes has been fired by United, awarded £5 million in compensation; hired by Real Sociedad, fired by Real Sociedad; hired as Sunderland manager, resigned from Sunderland following the first relegation […]

7 years ago

7 years ago

Join us as we are granted exclusive behind the scenes access at the regular support meetings of all the forgotten managers of the Premier League. In Episode 1, Rafa Benitez is brought along to join the group. INT: A large, dimly lit boardroom. Late evening. Recently departed Newcastle manager Rafa Benitez is sat, tied to […]

7 years ago

We have only one year left of El Mago, cherish every single moment Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. So the Daft Punk song goes. That was the meat and potatoes philosophy of the time, the defining mantra of the Premier League years where physicality and aggression and masculinity were the dominant forces of the time, where […]

7 years ago

Broooooooooooooonie Scott Brown wasn’t born in the way that human beings are born. Instead, he simply erupted out of the ground, his gleaming, bald head suddenly emerging from the neolithic turf surrounding Dunfermline Abbey like an alien out of John Hurt’s chest, quickly followed by the body of a fully grown man covered in soil. […]

7 years ago

Brought to you by Levi’s “I do think there’s a music scene in Liverpool… I don’t think it’s dead, it’s just hidden” Thirteen young people were given an opportunity to create, perform and be mentored by Mercury Prize-nominated artist Loyle Carner through this year’s Levi’s Music Project in Liverpool – a city with a historically […]

7 years ago

You’re looking for something to watch on Netflix, aren’t you? Watch this. I demand you watch this. I personally demand it It depends on your level of imagination, of course, but films that exist in a confined, solitary location have the capacity to ramp up the nervous tension to levels you simply don’t get in […]

7 years ago

Don’t judge a book by its cover, but do judge a football club by its badge For instance, here is Guangzhou Evergrande’s: https://twitter.com/kylepicknell/status/1140938298476716032 It tells you a lot about the club, doesn’t it? That screaming, burning tiger essentially yelling at you: “BE THE BEST FOREVER OR ELSE YOU WILL GET TAKEN OUT BACK AND… WELL, […]

7 years ago

If you can get more than 15, it’s a good score Those were our halcyon days, back when the Playstation 1 reigned supreme as the one true console. The ugly grey shoebox was hardly a design masterpiece but it had some of the best games of all time; games like Crash Bandicoot, Crash Bandicoot 2: […]

7 years ago

We regret to inform you that the right are still trying and failing to master the very difficult concept of ‘being funny’ Turning Point UK have done a video. It’s about the ‘shit champagne socialists’ say. They had to asterisk out the naughty swear-word, though, which is as good an indication as any that the […]

7 years ago

Jesse Lingard and Marcus Rashford have been on holiday Miami this week. Even 4,000 miles away they’re still boiling piss So this is how the great Manchester United empire crumbles to dust: Jesse Lingard’s silly Instagram stories. This is how Ancient Rome falls. This is how the legacy burns. Lingard beatboxing a song about beans. […]

7 years ago

Mark Lawrenson had just finished his infamous Reddit AMA when I stopped by for a chat. He was, as ever, in a jovial mood Mark do you ever get sick about talking about football?  Yeah. All the time. Well, not all the time. I get loads of random people coming up to me in the […]

7 years ago

10 staggeringly incompetent candidates were nominated, only six of the marginally less incompetent choices remain. But who would win a scrap? Let us find out, together The 2019 Conservative Party leadership election is now in full swing as Britain prepares to come face to face with a new prime minister by July 22. One of […]

7 years ago

So I hear you’re looking for a move. Here’s how you get one, in 10 easy steps You think it’s time to move on. Good. We all need to spread our wings and fly to pastures new at some point. When it doesn’t work out it doesn’t work out. There’s nothing anyone can do. That’s […]

7 years ago

Another night in, alone, with a share bag of Doritos, your pathetic Fifa Ultimate Team and Triple Frontier on Netflix, is it? 7AM: You wake up. Alone. Your head is a bit fuzzy. What did you do last night? Go out for a quiet drink with friends somewhere? No, can’t have been. Ah, that was […]

7 years ago

Or Alfred Thaddeus Crane Pennyworth, in full The trailer for the new Batman spinoff about Bruce Wayne’s butler/manservant/possible secret masseuse, Pennyworth, is here. And it is trying very, very hard to be British. Here are a couple of lines: “If everything goes pear-shaped, I’ll do my best to keep you alive.” and “As a rule, if […]

7 years ago

Scroll to the bottom and look at Kawhi. Look at what it means to him. Complete and utter ecstasy from the #boardman The Toronto Raptors won their first ever NBA Championship (and the first for a Canadian franchise) on Thursday night in the last ever game at the Oracle Arena, home turf of the recently […]

7 years ago

Ferland Mendy, meet your new teammates: Eden Hazard, Luka Jovic, Eder Militao and Rodrygo Real Madrid have taken their summer spending close to the £300 million mark after announcing their fifth signing of the transfer window so far: Lyon left-back Ferland Mendy. Madrid have purchased the French international for a fee of £42.7 million – […]

7 years ago

Yes, yes that is a real photo of Nigel Farage who was, yes, aware a photograph was being taken That is just the face he chose to pull. Fascinating. Anyway, MPs have today voted down a bid to prevent the next Conservative prime minister – whichever horrendously underqualified and repugnant individual that may be – […]

7 years ago

Lukaku also admitted he is a huge, huge fan of Antonio Conte, for some strange, unknown reason Romelu Lukaku scored a brace for the other Red Devils – the Belgium National Team – as they beat Scotland 3-0 in their European Championship qualification game on Tuesday evening. He also did this. Unreal miss by Lukaku. […]

7 years ago

Let me tell you something: Bruno Fernandes can kick a football I mean really kick it. He will kick the fucking living shit out of it. Look at the goals he has scored this season. LOOK AT THEM. Left foot, right foot, the occasional header… inside the box, miles outside of it… Bruno Fernandes really is […]

7 years ago

I fucking bet it is, mate England left-back Danny Rose has admitted that it can be ‘draining’ sharing the national team’s dressing room with the same Liverpool players that defeated Spurs in the Champions League final just over a week ago. Runners-up on the night thanks to a penalty from Mohamed Salah and a brilliant […]

7 years ago

If you can get more than 15, it’s a good score Those were our halcyon days, back when the Playstation 1 reigned supreme as the one true console. The ugly grey shoebox was hardly a design masterpiece but it had some of the best games of all time; games like Crash Bandicoot, Crash Bandicoot 2: […]

7 years ago

You’re probably sick of hearing how he good he is by now, right? Champions League winner and now a UEFA Nations League finalist, at the hands of England, Virgil van Dijk is also the bookmakers’ favourite to be awarded the 2019 Ballon d’Or award. The Dutchman has had a colossal season at the heart of […]

7 years ago

Eden Hazard is now – officially – a Real Madrid player Eden Hazard has left Chelsea and moved to Real Madrid, in news that will shock absolutely nobody. 👉 #WelcomeHazard pic.twitter.com/ph6fXHpakp — Real Madrid C.F. 🇬🇧🇺🇸 (@realmadriden) June 7, 2019 The La Liga giants have confirmed the transfer in an official statement, with the Belgian […]

7 years ago

Ryan Sessegnon’s Fulham deal only has a year left Ryan Sessegnon has refused to commit to a new contract at Fulham after the club were relegated to the Championship, paving the way for a potential move to Tottenham Hotspur, who have been interested in the player for some time. Sessegnon, who plays as either a […]

7 years ago

The couple were assaulted by a gang of men after refusing to kiss on their demand Two women were beaten by a group of men on a London bus in a homophobic attack during the early hours of 30 May. The assault, which has been labelled as a “disgusting, misogynistic attack” by Mayor of London […]

7 years ago

The former West Ham United manager has held a second round of talks with the club and is reportedly moving closer to being announced as their new manager Slaven Bilic, former Croatia and West Ham United manager, is close to being appointed as West Bromwich Albion’s manager as the club seek to return to the […]

7 years ago

Reasons for the High Court’s decision will be given at a later date Boris Johnson’s legal team successfully overturned a summons for the Uxbridge and South Ruislip MP’s to appear in court after he was accused of misconduct in public office. Johnson claimed that the UK giving £350 million to the European Union every week during […]

7 years ago

There’s a whole host of talent watching from the stands at the World Cup this summer So the 2019 World Cup is finally here and with all the action that comes on the pitch, in the form of the incredible footballing talent on show, is all of the action that comes off it. If you know […]

7 years ago

Trump claimed he turned down a meeting with Jeremy Corbyn during his joint press conference with Theresa May Donald Trump held a joint press conference with departing prime minister Theresa May today as part of his state visit to the UK, during which he stated that he refused a meeting with Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn. […]

7 years ago

Imagine Edinson Cavani in this *heart-eyes emoji* Another day, another kit leak, thanks to the good people at FootyHeadlines.com. Today we have a particularly spicy meatball for you in the form of Paris Saint-Germain’s third kit for next season. Just take a look at this. Oh baby. Those stripes. That colour. THAT OLD NIKE BADGE. […]

7 years ago

The transfer has been confirmed by both clubs Real Madrid have secured the services of Eintracht Frankfurt’s wonderkid Luka Jovic on a five-year contract, a player who has been turning heads all season long thanks to standout performances in both the Bundesliga and the club’s Europa League campaign. Der Abgang von Luka Jovic ist fix. […]

7 years ago

The Leicester City midfielder will star at the U21 Euros this summer Manchester United have reportedly made Leicester City’s James Maddison one of their top priorities for the summer transfer window and have leapt ahead of Liverpool and Tottenham Hotspur in pursuit of the midfielder’s signature. The 22-year-old, who narrowly missed out on a place […]

7 years ago

Bless his little cotton socks Mo Salah is a handsome bloke. We know this. We already know this. Is he handsome enough though for a football reporter, talking to him on the pitch, after he has just won the Champions League, to just abruptly decide to forget the interview and lean in for a kiss? […]

7 years ago

The stripes are gone. OH MY GOD THE STRIPES ARE GONE Nike have unveiled their 2019/20 home shirt for Barcelona, ditching the traditional stripes in favour of a checked pattern in their famous red and blue. The shirt incorporates the yellow and red of the Catalan flag just above the neckline and, according to Nike, […]

7 years ago

England face the Netherlands in Guimarães on Thursday Harry Kane looked drastically off the pace on Saturday night at the Wanda Metropolitano as Tottenham Hostpur lost 2-0 to Liverpool in the Champions League final. But even so, the England captain is reportedly set to inform Gareth Southgate that he is match fit ahead of England’s UEFA […]

7 years ago

This is never going to happen. But then again David Beckham is extremely handsome, so who knows? That can be very persuasive sometimes Inter Miami, the newest expansion team of the MLS owned by a business consortium headed by David Beckham, is all set to join the league in 2020. As a result, they have […]

7 years ago

And because they are both #goodlads, they made sure to hug each and every single person in the room Liverpool have won their sixth Champions League, you don’t need me to tell you this, but they have, and I must, if only to give this article the context it needs for the random middle-aged man […]

7 years ago