Shut up and take our money Sony is doing something they should have done a long time ago. Sony is making our nostalgia-fuelled, sepia-tinted dreams come true. Sony is bringing the PlayStation One back. In mini form. The console is 45% smaller than the original PlayStation, and will feature 20 (twenty!) classic games built into […]

8 years ago

Die Meister/Die Besten/Les grandes équipes/The champioooooooooooooons That music. There’s just something about it. Does it make me mildly aroused? Does it, gun to my head, make me feel as though I could take on a grizzly bear in a fist fight… and come out of absolutely fine? Does it, deep down, make me want to clean […]

8 years ago

Activists created a fake parking space for drug dealers in London A street art campaign by artists has replaced east London road signs to highlight the current levels of local drug dealing. The anti-drugs community activists sought to demonstrate the problem in the E2 postcode area, in Shoreditch, East London, where dealers reportedly sell the […]

8 years ago

Zane Lowe arrives at the Apple Music’s Beats 1 studio – coffee in hand – in an orange jumper, faded blue jeans ripped at the knees and a pair of Adidas Yeezy boosts. He asks how I am with a disarming enthusiasm, as though he is going to sit down and conduct this interview, falling […]

8 years ago

There’s just something about Dave Grohl as a drummer Dave Grohl doesn’t often cover Nirvana songs, regardless of the endless shouts for ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ he probably gets at every single gig he has ever played. Kurt Cobain tragically passed away in 1994, and ever since, the songs that helped define a generation have rarely […]

8 years ago

A presidential campaign could well be on the cards Idyllwild, which is apparently a real place in California, America, has elected Maximus Might Dog Mueller II as its mayor. The landmark election candidates consisted of 14 (fourteen!) dogs and two cats, for some reason. Who would ever vote for a cat? They are arguably even more […]

8 years ago

R u up bbz? The Trump administration is planning on texting every mobile phone in the US on Thursday in a plan to test an unused message alert system to warn the country of any impending national emergencies. Which would, in fact, have been quite handy on the day of Donald Trump’s election. Who knows […]

8 years ago

The emperor is back with a new groove as the Arctic Monkeys move on to Sheffield for four more messianic homecoming shows So this is it then, the new face of rock and roll, Franco Begbie skinhead and marmalade-tinted sunglasses. Open-shirt suit and heeled boots exaggeratingly kicking around the stage like a deranged Waluigi, a Nintendo […]

8 years ago

“Let me tell you the facts, which are that the police currently are preparing for the possibility of civil unrest” London mayor Sadiq Khan has suggested that the police are preparing for “civil unrest” after Britain leaves the European Union. Speaking to BBC’s Andrew Marr earlier today, he said: “Let me tell you the facts, which […]

8 years ago

It’s finally here After lots of teasing (from Neymar’s mum, weirdly enough) about the potential launch of a Jordan brand PSG kit throughout the summer, the new Jumpman gear has officially arrived in the form of a video posted on the French club’s official Twitter account today. Take a look, and then let me talk […]

8 years ago

New figures have been released by the Home Office Statistics now show that more white people are arrested for terror attacks than any other ethnic group for the first time in over a decade. White terror suspects accounted for 38% of terror-related arrests last year. Suspects of ‘Asian appearance’ accounted for 37% whilst black suspects […]

8 years ago

Petr Verzilov is being treated by toxicologists in a hospital in Moscow A member of the feminist punk band and activist group Pussy Riot has been hospitalised and remains in a critical condition. Petr Verzilov, who invaded the pitch during the World Cup final this summer, is suspected of being poisoned according to local media […]

8 years ago

Mind games? Promoter Frank Warren is adamant the fight between Tyson Fury and Deontay Wilder is going to take place before the end of the year, whilst the rest of us are forced to just sit here, twiddling our thumbs in anticipation. Fury and Wilder are both undefeated at 27-0 and 40-0 respectively, and Fury […]

8 years ago

Creamfields Steel Yard is back Tomorrowland and Creamfields, two of the biggest names in dance music, have teamed up for a very special one-off event in Liverpool on Saturday 8 December. Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike are bringing their aptly named ‘Garden Of Madness’ concept to the 15,000 capacity Steel Yard stucture on the city’s historic waterfront. […]

8 years ago

Can. You. Feel. The. Tek? So here it is then, that quintessentially British reminder that absolutely nobody, not a single person on this godforsaken, rain-soaked island has even the slightest bit of flair or flamboyance, the tiniest hint of je ne sais quoi whilst playing football. Gazza had a bit about him, sure, and that’s why we […]

8 years ago

Romano Fenati has a bit of a reputation Moto2 driver Romano Fenati was disqualified from a race at Misano, Italy for “irresponsible driving” after he reached across to a rival’s bike and pulled the brake lever – whilst driving at around 140mph. In the shocking footage of the incident you can see Fenati pull up […]

8 years ago

Bad news for good boys From Monday, glorious value pub chain Wetherspoons will be barring all breeds of dog from its venues. Whilst the pubs have traditionally adopted a no-dogs policy throughout its 40-year history, it is the first that the rule will properly be enforced. Not only this, but pups will not even be […]

8 years ago

A classy move from Ronny Much was made of this year’s UEFA men’s Player of the Year gong, with Real Madrid and Croatia midfielder Luka Modric eventually picking up the coveted award after an incredible season for club and country. First, there was a bit of a public outcry following UEFA’s decision to leave Lionel […]

8 years ago

He is EDGY, I repeat, EDGY Kanye West has done the most Kanye West thing imaginable and that thing is this: unveiling his new song, a collaboration with Lil Pump entitled “I Love It” at the first ever Pornhub awards. He was also the creative director for the entire event. The Pornhub awards event. He […]

8 years ago

*puts hands to temples* “I’m getting the word…” British comedian and Borat voice inventor Sacha Baron Cohen is being sued for $95 million (£73 million) in damages by US politician Roy Moore. Former Alabama Senate candidate Moore claims he was “tricked” into appearing on Cohen’s latest show Who is America? as many have since the series aired […]

8 years ago

*clears throat* Here it is. Another Eminem diss. The sort of quick-witted wicked twisted hiss that might just get him pissed lickity-split if he decided to get up off his “white ass” quickity-quick. It’s a comedian called Chris D’Elia who’s fishing for fish, impersonating Em like he’s wishing a wish. Turning a miss into a […]

8 years ago

How did nobody see this before? Because we were all far too busy basking in the warm glow of early Simpsons, that’s why Despite what you may have heard, and despite what I have tried to argue for many years now, The Simpsons golden age (starting and ending somewhere between series 3 and 10 depending on […]

8 years ago

Section 377 has been struck down by the Indian supreme court India has ruled that gay sex is no longer a criminal offence, overturning a 2013 ruling that upheld Section 377 – a 157-year-old law dating back to the colonial era. Previously, homosexuality was classed as an “unnatural offence” and was punishable by a ten-year jail […]

8 years ago

Donald Trump Jr. thinks his dad is just the coolest! Unless you have been living inside a cave inside another slightly bigger cave for the last few days, you’ll have heard about Colin Kaepernick becoming the face of Nike’s latest ‘Just Do It’ campaign, you’ll have seen the #MAGA supporters burning their own clothes, you’ll […]

8 years ago

Attention gamers! No longer will you have to choose between a serious game of PUBG and that giant bucket of grease in front of you, thanks to the new grease controller. Gone are the days when you would have to frantically wipe your greasy, stubby, grease-laden, greasy hands down your cargo shorts during the loading […]

8 years ago

History was made that day You might have heard about it. One of the most important events in modern history filtering through in drips, hushed tones, murmurs. Like the gentle brush of the wind through the trees it arrived, the slow hum of something momentous, tremors of small talk through the splatter cushion seats on […]

8 years ago

Snowflakes owned!!! After it was announced on Monday that Colin Kaepernick, the former San Francisco 49ers quarterback who started the take a knee movement as a protest against racial injustice in America, would be the face of Nike’s upcoming 30th anniversary ‘Just Do It’ campaign, predominately white Americans reacted in just about the only way […]

8 years ago

No more texting ‘ou est au ballon?’ or ‘je veux un baguette lol’ to each other under the table anymore, unfortunately President Emmanuel Macron has followed up on a campaign promise and announced a blanket ban on phones across France, meaning children up to the age of 15 will no longer be able to bring in […]

8 years ago

It’s the largest discovery of poaching ever made in Africa Just months after Botswana’s anti-poaching unit was disbanded a discovery of the bodies of 87 elephants has been made near a wildlife sanctuary in Botswana. An aerial survey was conducted by conservationists Elephants Without Borders over an area near the protected Okavango Delta, and they […]

8 years ago

The former San Francisco 49ers quarterback is currently suing NFL owners for allegedly colluding to keep him out of the league Colin Kaepernick has been revealed as the face of Nike’s latest ‘Just Do It’ campaign, a special 30th anniversary of the advertising slogan that has become synonymous with the sportswear brand. Kaepernick is largely responsible […]

8 years ago

This JANuary… it’s time to Michael down your Vincents Rick and Morty co-creator and voice of both of the lead characters, Justin Roiland, has had a brand new cartoon series picked up by online streaming service Hulu. Entitled Solar Opposites, the series will follow a family of immigrant aliens – Jesse, Korvo, Terry, Yumyulack and The […]

8 years ago

Breakthrough: doggo enjoys meat This Morning took on a groundbreaking biological experiment during their show on Thursday, led by the inquisitive Professor Eamonn Holmes who found out, once and for all, a definitive answer to one of life’s most perplexing questions. Do dogs, who are the world’s most abundant land-based carnivore, prefer meat or not-meat? […]

8 years ago

It’s time to look back on the glory years It might not seem like it now, but once upon a time Pro Evo was a world away from FIFA and had firmly cemented itself as the one and only football game in the hearts of most fans. There was one simple reason for this: it […]

8 years ago

We regret to inform you that Jose Mourinho is now relying on Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel to help get him out of his current downward spiral Unfortunately for the under-fire Reds boss, the transfer window is closed, and even so: a) Hegel is a German philosopher b) Who has been dead since 1831 And c) […]

8 years ago

West Midlands have been searching for the killer since the murder took place on Monday A 21-year-old man has been arrested on suspicion of killing a mother and daughter in the early hours of Monday morning in the Sparkhill area of Birmingham. Raneem Oudeh, 22, and her mother Khaola Saleem, 49, were fatally stabbed at […]

8 years ago

Like The Godfather Part III, only better. And also, that was a good film anyway, you absolute heathens By now you will be aware of our Wikipedia quiz. If not, here is how it works. We give you the Wikipedia listing of a footballer’s career, but without their name. With that information you must tell […]

8 years ago

Get out your tiny violins Payday loan lender at extortionate rates Wonga has collapsed into administration after it was overwhelmed by a surge in complaints by former customers. It received a £10 million cash injection to save the company from entering insolvency only last month. The company had previously announced that it would no longer be […]

8 years ago

18-year-old Mariam Moustafa died three weeks after she was attacked by a group of six women and girls The attack happened in Nottingham city centre in February and left the Egyptian-Italian engineering student, who had a place to study at the University of London, in a coma. She later died from a stroke whilst she […]

8 years ago

Forget about Mourinho for a second and just look at the sauce Pink kits are a divisive thing for some reason but they really shouldn’t be. Pink kits are always good, they are always flamey and consequently, they are always flames. As a proud owner of a shocking pink Hamburg away shirt, I can testify that […]

8 years ago

Welcome to a certain kind of hell So here it is, the thing that finally sends you over the edge and into the vice-like grip of complete and total insanity: Theresa May dancing. Theresa May trying to dance, an ancient art, an almost universal form of expression, is like an anchor trying to float, or […]

8 years ago

A man has been left fighting for his life after a stabbing in Tulse Hill, south London The 23-year-old man was found by police with multiple stab wounds on Roupell Road, in Lambeth at approximately 17:17 on Friday evening. He was rushed to hospital where his condition was described as critical upon arrival, police said. Police […]

8 years ago

Won’t someone please think of the children! So here it is then, the worst news of the day, the week, the year. Prepare yourselves, cling onto your sofa, curl your toes to ensure your socks don’t blow off, hold your loved ones close. The plastic bag charge is set to double. From 5p to 10p. […]

8 years ago

Please do drink, and use words and phrases to describe being drunk, at least semi-responsibly Typically, it is believed that humans first learnt to communicate after they developed their hunting weapons, primitive hand axes, oval droplets carved out of stone used to hit things, to bash things, to axe things. As the motor neurones and […]

8 years ago

Could it BE any more back? The answer, Chandler, the answer is no, thanks to news that Friends will be returning to terrestrial after Channel 4 stopped airing repeats in 2011, seven years on from the show’s Ross and Rachel will they/won’t they finale in 2004. It’s returning to free-to-air TV in the form of weekday doubleheaders […]

8 years ago

And also a death robot! Hooray! You might have heard of Kalashnikov, the Russian manufacturing firm behind the infamous AK-47, the weapon of choice for everyone from players of Call of Duty to Grand Theft Auto to various militia groups around the world looking for a light, effective, gas-operated assault rifle. Their Wikipedia page enlists their products […]

8 years ago

Back by popular demand So here it is, after the game-changing debut of the JOE Wikipedia quiz, it’s the more difficult, slightly less popular, inevitably disappointing follow-up! Hooray! I know that, after watching mentally recording every single score posted last week, like some kind of miscellaneous football trivia hawk, that some of the more committed […]

8 years ago

Good news for no deal Brexit fans. Bad news for everyone else, including no deal Brexit fans No matter the demographic, employment group or political standing, the majority of people now believe that the UK will crash and burn out of the European Union with a potentially disastrous no-deal Brexit. In the poll, conducted by […]

8 years ago

The news has been confirmed by the ITV head honcho Where did that phrase come from by the way? Head honcho? Well, let me tell you, after a quick Google search: it comes from the Japanese word “honcho” which roughly translates as “squad leader”. So there you go. Don’t say you never learn anything from […]

8 years ago

(On the game at least) So here it is then, here is your first glimpse of the all-important player ratings on FIFA 19, the latest instalment of the famous EA Sports franchise that has so far promised Jesse Lingard’s Milly Rock celebration (important) and even a House Rules mode, which includes the playground favourite game […]

8 years ago

Time for Heroes You know Pete Doherty. He’s in The Libertines. He gave us some of the finest songs of the 00s. “Can’t Stand Me Now”, “Don’t Look Back Into the Sun”, “What Katie Did”, “Up the Bracket”, “What Became of the Likely Lads”… the list goes on. Now, he might have just topped them […]

8 years ago