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Articles written by the more mysterious members of the JOE editorial team

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  • Watch this idiot fan run on stage to sniff Colin Farrell during Jimmy Kimmel Live

    Watch this idiot fan run on stage to sniff Colin Farrell during Jimmy Kimmel Live

    You don’t want to mess with Colin Farrell. No sir. The In Bruges actor has rightfully been earning some massive praise for his current role in True Detective, playing the violent and unhinged Detective Ray Velcoro. And Farrell may have been tempted to embrace his inner Ray when this crazed fan rushed on stage to smell […]

    11 years ago

  • Watch the most hilarious TV-bomb you will ever see…

    Watch the most hilarious TV-bomb you will ever see…

    As the Sky Sports chap who had a purple dildo poked in his ear will tell you, any TV reporter constantly runs the risk of being publicly embarrassed. While most of these journalists are consummate professionals just trying to do their job, there’s something about a camera crew that causes people to go bat-sh*t crazy. The level […]

    11 years ago

  • American fans go crazy after watching Pirlo in training…

    American fans go crazy after watching Pirlo in training…

    It looks like America could be in for a shock after the arrival of some seriously world-class footballing talent over the past few months. With Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Kaka, David Villa and now Andrea Pirlo all moving to MLS, the league’s quality has really gone up a notch. In fact, it might look like […]

    11 years ago

  • First look at the second series of Batman spin-off Gotham (Video)

    First look at the second series of Batman spin-off Gotham (Video)

    Gotham, the slick TV spin-off of the Batman franchise, is back for a second season. The award-winning drama returns with a number of big names in the cast, including The Shield star Michael Chiklis and Homeland’s Morena Baccarin. Not much is given away in the trailer, which is soundtracked by a slick pared-down cover of […]

    11 years ago

  • British radio station offers Sepp Blatter journalism internship

    British radio station offers Sepp Blatter journalism internship

    Sepp Blatter announced that he plans to finally step down as Dark Lord of the Sith Fifa President, but the 79 year old has no plans to settle into comfortable retirement. Blatter hopes to become a radio journalist, saying: “I think radio is the most popular form of information.” (Just wait until he discovers the internet). The Swiss […]

    11 years ago

  • Japan win the World Cup – for robots (Video)

    Japan win the World Cup – for robots (Video)

    Japan have won the RoboCup, the world’s annual robotic soccer championship. Over 40 countries competed for the coveted title, but it was a group from the University of Chiba in Japan who emerged victorious. They beat the hosts China in the final. We just hope the robot who got the winning goal did a Peter Crouch celebration. […]

    11 years ago

  • Liverpool fan brilliantly predicts summer signings…

    Liverpool fan brilliantly predicts summer signings…

    Most football fans spend the entire summer dreaming about the star names their club might sign, but some are a little more realistic. Step forward Liverpool supporter Adeel Armhead, who nailed his prediction for the Reds’ transfer business all the way back on May 27. While Armhead shared his peers’ hopes that the likes of Pierre-Emerick […]

    11 years ago

  • David Beckham surprises family with $100,000 gift (Video)

    David Beckham surprises family with $100,000 gift (Video)

    For some people, just meeting David Beckham would be enough, but he went one step beyond for one family. The former England midfielder is a celebrity in his own right out in the USA, and the Gonzalez family were delighted to see him show up at their front door. He was there as part of […]

    11 years ago

  • Gym-goers more likely to be hiding an STI

    Gym-goers more likely to be hiding an STI

    If you’re a 24-year-old bloke with brown hair who spends a lot of time at the gym, we’ve got some bad news for you. According to a survey of the British public, you’re the demographic most likely to have a sexually transmitted infection. Over half of British males between 18 and 30 have contracted an […]

    11 years ago

  • Spanish town grants citizenship to reigning cats and dogs

    Spanish town grants citizenship to reigning cats and dogs

    What do we want? Woof! When do we want it? Miaow! A dog’s life isn’t so bad in an animal-loving corner of Iberia. Trigueros del Valle – a small town of a human population of just 330 – is the first town in Spain to recognise cats and dogs as citizens. A unanimous vote was gathered from […]

    11 years ago

  • 50 Cent isn’t letting bankruptcy affect his “40 birthday events”

    50 Cent isn’t letting bankruptcy affect his “40 birthday events”

    50 Cent has been grabbing headlines a lot lately. The rapper, who has filed for bankruptcy as he potentially faces being ordered to pay a sickening sum of money in a lawsuit over a sex tape, testified in court that his lavish displays of wealth are all a show. Basically he reckons all of his bling […]

    11 years ago

  • Women rank the eight most important things that make up a beautiful penis

    Women rank the eight most important things that make up a beautiful penis

    Does size matter? Not really as it turns out. It’s not something you necessarily want to bring up at the dinner table with your parents, but the subject of the male penis will always raise interest, amongst men and women alike. So much interest in fact, that the University of Zurich went to the bother […]

    11 years ago

  • Women give their verdict on Andrea Pirlo – with and without his famous beard

    Women give their verdict on Andrea Pirlo – with and without his famous beard

    What a difference a shave makes. There’s no more recognisable beard in world football than that which warms the beautiful cheeks of Andrea Pirlo. It’s difficult to remember a time when the New York City FC midfielder was clean shaven but it did exist, and what a terrible time that was to be alive. The curious […]

    11 years ago

  • Liverpool complete Christian Benteke signing

    Liverpool complete Christian Benteke signing

    Liverpool have finally announced the signing of Aston Villa’s Christian Benteke. The 24-year-old is the Anfield club’s seventh signing of the summer, and joins other high-profile recruits James Milner, Roberto Firmino and Danny Ings. #LFC are delighted to confirm the signing of Belgian striker @bentekechris20 from @AVFCOfficial #BentekeLFC pic.twitter.com/QODMLLUGhn — Liverpool FC (@LFC) July 22, […]

    11 years ago

  • The Apple Car could be just around the corner

    The Apple Car could be just around the corner

    They’ve revolutionised your laptop, phone, watch and music collection, but Apple have eyes on another part of your life – the garage. That’s right, the Apple Car has moved a step closer with the news that the Senior Vice President of Chrysler Group, Doug Betts has joined the technology company. Previously responsible for product service and quality at Chrysler, Betts will join […]

    11 years ago

  • One bacon lover’s distressing tale – and Tesco’s hilarious response

    One bacon lover’s distressing tale – and Tesco’s hilarious response

    As we all know, Bacon is no laughing matter. It’s a national obsession, nay addiction. Ben Roberts, a bacon lover of some 24 years, was craving the good stuff one Sunday morning when he discovered that his fridge was sans swine. Ben didn’t panic. He popped out to his local Tesco in Derby to top up […]

    11 years ago

  • James Milner: Even Lionel Messi couldn’t replace Steven Gerrard

    James Milner: Even Lionel Messi couldn’t replace Steven Gerrard

    We reckon James Milner might just rate Steven Gerrard. Liverpool’s brand spanking new signing has spoken about the void left by the former Reds captain and doesn’t think there’s a player on earth who could fill his boots – not even a little fella by the name of Lionel Messi. Speaking to abc during Liverpool’s pre-season tour of Australia, Milner revealed just how highly […]

    11 years ago

  • “Arsenal should finish in the top two next season,” Lethal Bizzle tells JOE

    “Arsenal should finish in the top two next season,” Lethal Bizzle tells JOE

    You may know Lethal Bizzle for a few reasons… First, he’s a grime artist from London’s Walthamstow, who loves Arsenal and Lamborghinis. Then there’s his successful clothing line Dench, derived from playing a video game with his cousin, former Gunners midfielder Emmanuel Frimpong. He coined the word ‘dench’, which was recently added to the dictionary […]

    11 years ago

  • Meet Medusa, the two-headed albino snake (Warning: Not for the squeamish)

    Meet Medusa, the two-headed albino snake (Warning: Not for the squeamish)

    If you’re scared of snakes, for the love of God, look away now. Let us introduce you to Medusa, a two-headed albino Honduran milksnake. That’s right – twice the forked tongues, twice the fangs and double the nightmares. The two-headed reptile was born in captivity and currently resides at Ben Siegel Reptiles in Florida (so far enough […]

    11 years ago

  • Woman gets surprise response after asking for drugs on Twitter

    Woman gets surprise response after asking for drugs on Twitter

    Either police are getting lazier or criminals are getting stupider. Maybe both. When a woman in Florida tweeted asking for someone to bring her marijuana, her local sheriff responded with the least subtle sting operation ever. Where should we meet you? https://t.co/5YjcB0kLET — PBSO (@PBCountySheriff) July 21, 2015 It was an impressively nonchalant approach from […]

    11 years ago

  • Awesome slow-mo video shows giant water balloon burst with man sat inside

    Awesome slow-mo video shows giant water balloon burst with man sat inside

    The Slow-Mo Guys are at it again, with one of their weirdest videos yet. The scene is set with one of the YouTube duo sitting inside a giant six-foot water balloon as it fills to bursting, while his partner stands nearby laughing. The volunteer, Dan, is turned into what fellow Slow-Mo guy Gav describes at various stages […]

    11 years ago

  • Kendrick Lamar, Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran lead the charge with VMA nods

    Kendrick Lamar, Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran lead the charge with VMA nods

    The MTV Video Music Awards is always worth bookmarking a night in front of the telly for. Remember when Miley Cyrus had more than a little fun with a foam finger at the 2013 bash? After keeping a low profile last year, she’s back with a Bang Bang and has been booked to host the […]

    11 years ago

  • Van Gaal left unimpressed by Schweinsteiger’s display in Man United friendly

    Van Gaal left unimpressed by Schweinsteiger’s display in Man United friendly

    Louis van Gaal is not an easy man to please, but Bastian Schweinsteiger might have thought he’d get an easy ride after only his second appearance for Manchester United. Van Gaal’s side ran out 3-1 winners in their meaningless friendly against San Jose Earthquakes – with Memphis Depay on the score sheet – but the […]

    11 years ago

  • Sam Smith is looking super-lean after hitting the gym…

    Sam Smith is looking super-lean after hitting the gym…

    One of the regular complaints you hear from musicians when they’re on the road is that it’s almost impossible to live a healthy lifestyle. But the talented Sam Smith is doing his best to prove that statement wrong. It’s been a whirlwind few years for the three-time Grammy Award-winning singer after he first grabbed the world’s attention […]

    11 years ago

  • Watch Memphis Depay score his first goal for Man United in friendly win

    Watch Memphis Depay score his first goal for Man United in friendly win

    Memphis Depay grabbed his first goal for Manchester United as Louis van Gaal’s side picked up the second win of their pre-season tour with a 3-1 victory over San Jose Earthquakes. My first goal for Manchester United! pic.twitter.com/4OAOkeMcwJ — Memphis Depay (@Memphis) July 22, 2015 The new arrival from PSV capitalised on a sloppy back-pass […]

    11 years ago

  • Report: Real Madrid now open to a Ramos/De Gea swap deal

    Report: Real Madrid now open to a Ramos/De Gea swap deal

    Reports in Spain suggest Real Madrid are now seriously considering the sale of Sergio Ramos to Manchester United in order to secure the services of David de Gea. United have been adamant for weeks that they would only sell the Spanish goalkeeper to Real if Ramos was to go in the other direction. No Ramos, […]

    11 years ago

  • Cringe! Cruel Zach Johnson and the most embarrassing non-high fives in sport

    Cringe! Cruel Zach Johnson and the most embarrassing non-high fives in sport

    Zach Johnson – Open champion, Joaquin Phoenix-lookalike and cruel b*stard. Johnson came through a three-man play-off to claim the Open Championship on Monday when Louis Oosthuizen’s vital putt failed to nestle in the cup. Johnson’s caddie Damon Green attempted to celebrate with a high five. He waited…and waited…and waited. Evil Johnson was having none of it and simply stared at his caddie… […]

    11 years ago

  • Bill Turnbull drops the C-bomb live on BBC Breakfast (Vine)

    Bill Turnbull drops the C-bomb live on BBC Breakfast (Vine)

    We weren’t expecting this with our cornflakes… BBC Breakfast presenter Bill Turnball had a bizarre brainfart this morning when he accidentally dropped the C-bomb upon an unsuspecting public. The oddest thing about the sweary mistake was the delivery. The word he was having trouble with was ‘client’ – which he’d only just said. Then there was […]

    11 years ago

  • Louis van Gaal hints at more signings “in the process” (Video)

    Louis van Gaal hints at more signings “in the process” (Video)

    It looks like Louis van Gaal and Ed Woodward haven’t finished their summer spending spree just yet. Despite dropping around £80m on Memphis Depay, Matteo Darmian, Bastian Schweinsteiger and  Morgan Schneiderlin, the Red Devils are still ready to spend big on a new signing or two. Cavani, Kane, Benzema, Muller and Pedro are just some of the goalscorers that […]

    11 years ago

  • Brendan Rodgers shuts down Australian reporter when she asks about Benteke transfer (Video)

    Brendan Rodgers shuts down Australian reporter when she asks about Benteke transfer (Video)

    She pushed, Rodgers shoved back. The Liverpool boss watched his side defeat Adelaide United 2-0 in a pre-season friendly and was, initially, in good form during an interview with the local broadcasters. However, that all changed when the reporter pressed him on the subject of Christian Benteke, whose arrival from Aston Villa seems to be drawing […]

    11 years ago

  • Comedian interrupts FIFA press conference by throwing money at Sepp Blatter

    Comedian interrupts FIFA press conference by throwing money at Sepp Blatter

    The idea that you can make your problems disappear by throwing money at them has been tested to its limits. Comedian Simon Brodkin interrupted a FIFA press conference by chucking wads of fake cash at outgoing/incoming (delete as applicable) president Sepp Blatter. It’s not the first time Brodkin has taken on a public figure via his Lee […]

    11 years ago

  • Russian tycoon to invest huge money in a new search for alien life

    Russian tycoon to invest huge money in a new search for alien life

    Russian billionaire Yuri Milner is investing $100m in a project which will try to discover if there really is alien life out in space. The ten-year initiative, called Breakthrough Listen,  will conduct the most extensive sweep of space for signals from aliens ever. The project will feature some of the brightest luminaries in science and experts […]

    11 years ago

  • Homeless piano player gets lifeline from local college

    Homeless piano player gets lifeline from local college

    It’s a feel-good story that just gets better and better. Homeless man Donald Gould became quite the internet sensation recently when he was filmed playing on a street piano in Florida. Donald is a 51-year old ex-marine whose wife died in 1998, sending him on a path of self-destruction. But his poignant skills sparked a huge […]

    11 years ago

  • Fresh Prince star does Carlton dance in the tee box with Justin Timberlake (Video)

    Fresh Prince star does Carlton dance in the tee box with Justin Timberlake (Video)

    Fresh Prince star Alfonso Ribeiro was a bit down on his golf luck at the American Century Celebrity Golf Tournament at Lake Tahoe. Sensing that the actor needed some cheering up, none other than Justin Timberlake ran over and inspired an impromptu rendition of the ‘Carlton dance’ complete with hips and arms swinging. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7QTmrR6g8I It must […]

    11 years ago

  • SIM cards could soon be a thing of the past

    SIM cards could soon be a thing of the past

    They have been getting smaller and smaller and now they are about to disappear. Mobile giants Apple and Samsung are working together with trade group GSMA to revolutionise the SIM Card as we know it. The companies are hoping to develop an electronic SIM that can be moved quicker and easier between mobile networks. Although […]

    11 years ago

  • You’d hate to have this cursed striker in your 5-a-side team

    You’d hate to have this cursed striker in your 5-a-side team

    As Oscar Wilde once said: “To miss an open goal may be regarded as a misfortune; to then block your teammate’s shot on goal is f*cking diabolical…” Atletico Paranaense forward Crysan did just that. First he missed an absolute sitter when it was easier to score, then he stopped his strike partner’s effort on the goal line, causing the ball […]

    11 years ago

  • Real Madrid signal end to De Gea pursuit by giving Keylor Navas the number one jersey

    Real Madrid signal end to De Gea pursuit by giving Keylor Navas the number one jersey

    It looks like David de Gea’s dream of playing for Real Madrid next season is over. Talks between Manchester United and Spanish club have been deadlocked for weeks now, with Manchester United insisting upon 29-year-old Sergio Ramos as part of a deal. Now it seems that Real Madrid have conceded defeat by awarding Costa Rican Keylor Navas their number […]

    11 years ago

  • This Jedi GoPro video has us itching to see The Force Awakens

    This Jedi GoPro video has us itching to see The Force Awakens

    The Force is very, very strong in this one. A Star Wars fan fights off stormtroopers and a TIE Fighter in this brilliant, absorbing GoPro video that wouldn’t look out of place in the upcoming Force Awakens. It was created by Youtuber Bill Parker, who has made what looks like a live action video game as […]

    11 years ago

  • We wish this epic Star Wars/Mad Max trailer was real

    We wish this epic Star Wars/Mad Max trailer was real

    Which movie franchise are you more hyped about? Mad Max on one hand, or Star Wars on the other? Well put your hands together because YouTuber Krishna Shenoi has combined the two in this sensational fake trailer for Road Wars: The Imperator Strikes Back. The mashup is stunningly put together with Mad Max characters wielding lightsabers whilst […]

    11 years ago

  • You could win a walk-on role in the new Star Trek movie

    You could win a walk-on role in the new Star Trek movie

    As prizes go, this one is out of this world… Star Trek are offering one lucky fan (and a friend) the chance to win a walk-on role in Star Trek Beyond. That’s right – the winners will meet the cast AND star in the cinema release. As well as the main prize, six more winners will […]

    11 years ago