
PSG believed to have agreed Di Maria fee
Fallen Angel…
11 years ago
JOE
Articles written by the more mysterious members of the JOE editorial team

PSG believed to have agreed Di Maria fee
Fallen Angel…
11 years ago

50 Cent isn’t letting bankruptcy affect his “40 birthday events”
50 Cent has been grabbing headlines a lot lately. The rapper, who has filed for bankruptcy as he potentially faces being ordered to pay a sickening sum of money in a lawsuit over a sex tape, testified in court that his lavish displays of wealth are all a show. Basically he reckons all of his bling […]
11 years ago

Women rank the eight most important things that make up a beautiful penis
Does size matter? Not really as it turns out. It’s not something you necessarily want to bring up at the dinner table with your parents, but the subject of the male penis will always raise interest, amongst men and women alike. So much interest in fact, that the University of Zurich went to the bother […]
11 years ago

Space Jam 2 could be coming to our screens with LeBron James
Legendary film…
11 years ago

Women give their verdict on Andrea Pirlo – with and without his famous beard
What a difference a shave makes. There’s no more recognisable beard in world football than that which warms the beautiful cheeks of Andrea Pirlo. It’s difficult to remember a time when the New York City FC midfielder was clean shaven but it did exist, and what a terrible time that was to be alive. The curious […]
11 years ago

Liverpool complete Christian Benteke signing
Liverpool have finally announced the signing of Aston Villa’s Christian Benteke. The 24-year-old is the Anfield club’s seventh signing of the summer, and joins other high-profile recruits James Milner, Roberto Firmino and Danny Ings. #LFC are delighted to confirm the signing of Belgian striker @bentekechris20 from @AVFCOfficial #BentekeLFC pic.twitter.com/QODMLLUGhn — Liverpool FC (@LFC) July 22, […]
11 years ago

The Apple Car could be just around the corner
They’ve revolutionised your laptop, phone, watch and music collection, but Apple have eyes on another part of your life – the garage. That’s right, the Apple Car has moved a step closer with the news that the Senior Vice President of Chrysler Group, Doug Betts has joined the technology company. Previously responsible for product service and quality at Chrysler, Betts will join […]
11 years ago

One bacon lover’s distressing tale – and Tesco’s hilarious response
As we all know, Bacon is no laughing matter. It’s a national obsession, nay addiction. Ben Roberts, a bacon lover of some 24 years, was craving the good stuff one Sunday morning when he discovered that his fridge was sans swine. Ben didn’t panic. He popped out to his local Tesco in Derby to top up […]
11 years ago

James Milner: Even Lionel Messi couldn’t replace Steven Gerrard
We reckon James Milner might just rate Steven Gerrard. Liverpool’s brand spanking new signing has spoken about the void left by the former Reds captain and doesn’t think there’s a player on earth who could fill his boots – not even a little fella by the name of Lionel Messi. Speaking to abc during Liverpool’s pre-season tour of Australia, Milner revealed just how highly […]
11 years ago

“Arsenal should finish in the top two next season,” Lethal Bizzle tells JOE
You may know Lethal Bizzle for a few reasons… First, he’s a grime artist from London’s Walthamstow, who loves Arsenal and Lamborghinis. Then there’s his successful clothing line Dench, derived from playing a video game with his cousin, former Gunners midfielder Emmanuel Frimpong. He coined the word ‘dench’, which was recently added to the dictionary […]
11 years ago

Meet Medusa, the two-headed albino snake (Warning: Not for the squeamish)
If you’re scared of snakes, for the love of God, look away now. Let us introduce you to Medusa, a two-headed albino Honduran milksnake. That’s right – twice the forked tongues, twice the fangs and double the nightmares. The two-headed reptile was born in captivity and currently resides at Ben Siegel Reptiles in Florida (so far enough […]
11 years ago

Woman gets surprise response after asking for drugs on Twitter
Either police are getting lazier or criminals are getting stupider. Maybe both. When a woman in Florida tweeted asking for someone to bring her marijuana, her local sheriff responded with the least subtle sting operation ever. Where should we meet you? https://t.co/5YjcB0kLET — PBSO (@PBCountySheriff) July 21, 2015 It was an impressively nonchalant approach from […]
11 years ago

Awesome slow-mo video shows giant water balloon burst with man sat inside
The Slow-Mo Guys are at it again, with one of their weirdest videos yet. The scene is set with one of the YouTube duo sitting inside a giant six-foot water balloon as it fills to bursting, while his partner stands nearby laughing. The volunteer, Dan, is turned into what fellow Slow-Mo guy Gav describes at various stages […]
11 years ago

More than half of men ask their exes for relationship advice
Ex appeal…
11 years ago

Kendrick Lamar, Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran lead the charge with VMA nods
The MTV Video Music Awards is always worth bookmarking a night in front of the telly for. Remember when Miley Cyrus had more than a little fun with a foam finger at the 2013 bash? After keeping a low profile last year, she’s back with a Bang Bang and has been booked to host the […]
11 years ago

Mario Balotelli travels around Manchester shopping centre on a glider (Video)
He’s failed to keep his feet on the ground…
11 years ago

Van Gaal left unimpressed by Schweinsteiger’s display in Man United friendly
Louis van Gaal is not an easy man to please, but Bastian Schweinsteiger might have thought he’d get an easy ride after only his second appearance for Manchester United. Van Gaal’s side ran out 3-1 winners in their meaningless friendly against San Jose Earthquakes – with Memphis Depay on the score sheet – but the […]
11 years ago

Mass brawl erupts after Leeds and Eintracht Frankfurt friendly (Video)
That jumped up a notch…
11 years ago

Sam Smith is looking super-lean after hitting the gym…
One of the regular complaints you hear from musicians when they’re on the road is that it’s almost impossible to live a healthy lifestyle. But the talented Sam Smith is doing his best to prove that statement wrong. It’s been a whirlwind few years for the three-time Grammy Award-winning singer after he first grabbed the world’s attention […]
11 years ago

Watch Memphis Depay score his first goal for Man United in friendly win
Memphis Depay grabbed his first goal for Manchester United as Louis van Gaal’s side picked up the second win of their pre-season tour with a 3-1 victory over San Jose Earthquakes. My first goal for Manchester United! pic.twitter.com/4OAOkeMcwJ — Memphis Depay (@Memphis) July 22, 2015 The new arrival from PSV capitalised on a sloppy back-pass […]
11 years ago

Report: Real Madrid now open to a Ramos/De Gea swap deal
Reports in Spain suggest Real Madrid are now seriously considering the sale of Sergio Ramos to Manchester United in order to secure the services of David de Gea. United have been adamant for weeks that they would only sell the Spanish goalkeeper to Real if Ramos was to go in the other direction. No Ramos, […]
11 years ago

Bastian Schweinsteiger has this Manchester United legend’s jersey on the wall at home
It could only be one name…
11 years ago

Cringe! Cruel Zach Johnson and the most embarrassing non-high fives in sport
Zach Johnson – Open champion, Joaquin Phoenix-lookalike and cruel b*stard. Johnson came through a three-man play-off to claim the Open Championship on Monday when Louis Oosthuizen’s vital putt failed to nestle in the cup. Johnson’s caddie Damon Green attempted to celebrate with a high five. He waited…and waited…and waited. Evil Johnson was having none of it and simply stared at his caddie… […]
11 years ago

Bill Turnbull drops the C-bomb live on BBC Breakfast (Vine)
We weren’t expecting this with our cornflakes… BBC Breakfast presenter Bill Turnball had a bizarre brainfart this morning when he accidentally dropped the C-bomb upon an unsuspecting public. The oddest thing about the sweary mistake was the delivery. The word he was having trouble with was ‘client’ – which he’d only just said. Then there was […]
11 years ago

Louis van Gaal hints at more signings “in the process” (Video)
It looks like Louis van Gaal and Ed Woodward haven’t finished their summer spending spree just yet. Despite dropping around £80m on Memphis Depay, Matteo Darmian, Bastian Schweinsteiger and Morgan Schneiderlin, the Red Devils are still ready to spend big on a new signing or two. Cavani, Kane, Benzema, Muller and Pedro are just some of the goalscorers that […]
11 years ago

Floyd Mayweather’s next fight is revealed…and it’s very underwhelming
What a let down…
11 years ago

McDonald’s has a secret menu it hasn’t told you about (Pics)
Our mouths are watering…
11 years ago

Brendan Rodgers shuts down Australian reporter when she asks about Benteke transfer (Video)
She pushed, Rodgers shoved back. The Liverpool boss watched his side defeat Adelaide United 2-0 in a pre-season friendly and was, initially, in good form during an interview with the local broadcasters. However, that all changed when the reporter pressed him on the subject of Christian Benteke, whose arrival from Aston Villa seems to be drawing […]
11 years ago

Comedian interrupts FIFA press conference by throwing money at Sepp Blatter
The idea that you can make your problems disappear by throwing money at them has been tested to its limits. Comedian Simon Brodkin interrupted a FIFA press conference by chucking wads of fake cash at outgoing/incoming (delete as applicable) president Sepp Blatter. It’s not the first time Brodkin has taken on a public figure via his Lee […]
11 years ago

Russian tycoon to invest huge money in a new search for alien life
Russian billionaire Yuri Milner is investing $100m in a project which will try to discover if there really is alien life out in space. The ten-year initiative, called Breakthrough Listen, will conduct the most extensive sweep of space for signals from aliens ever. The project will feature some of the brightest luminaries in science and experts […]
11 years ago

Bond fans won’t have to “wait long” for new theme tune
After much Spectre-lation, it’s almost here
11 years ago

Homeless piano player gets lifeline from local college
It’s a feel-good story that just gets better and better. Homeless man Donald Gould became quite the internet sensation recently when he was filmed playing on a street piano in Florida. Donald is a 51-year old ex-marine whose wife died in 1998, sending him on a path of self-destruction. But his poignant skills sparked a huge […]
11 years ago

Fresh Prince star does Carlton dance in the tee box with Justin Timberlake (Video)
Fresh Prince star Alfonso Ribeiro was a bit down on his golf luck at the American Century Celebrity Golf Tournament at Lake Tahoe. Sensing that the actor needed some cheering up, none other than Justin Timberlake ran over and inspired an impromptu rendition of the ‘Carlton dance’ complete with hips and arms swinging. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7QTmrR6g8I It must […]
11 years ago

SIM cards could soon be a thing of the past
They have been getting smaller and smaller and now they are about to disappear. Mobile giants Apple and Samsung are working together with trade group GSMA to revolutionise the SIM Card as we know it. The companies are hoping to develop an electronic SIM that can be moved quicker and easier between mobile networks. Although […]
11 years ago

You’d hate to have this cursed striker in your 5-a-side team
As Oscar Wilde once said: “To miss an open goal may be regarded as a misfortune; to then block your teammate’s shot on goal is f*cking diabolical…” Atletico Paranaense forward Crysan did just that. First he missed an absolute sitter when it was easier to score, then he stopped his strike partner’s effort on the goal line, causing the ball […]
11 years ago

Real Madrid signal end to De Gea pursuit by giving Keylor Navas the number one jersey
It looks like David de Gea’s dream of playing for Real Madrid next season is over. Talks between Manchester United and Spanish club have been deadlocked for weeks now, with Manchester United insisting upon 29-year-old Sergio Ramos as part of a deal. Now it seems that Real Madrid have conceded defeat by awarding Costa Rican Keylor Navas their number […]
11 years ago

This Jedi GoPro video has us itching to see The Force Awakens
The Force is very, very strong in this one. A Star Wars fan fights off stormtroopers and a TIE Fighter in this brilliant, absorbing GoPro video that wouldn’t look out of place in the upcoming Force Awakens. It was created by Youtuber Bill Parker, who has made what looks like a live action video game as […]
11 years ago

We wish this epic Star Wars/Mad Max trailer was real
Which movie franchise are you more hyped about? Mad Max on one hand, or Star Wars on the other? Well put your hands together because YouTuber Krishna Shenoi has combined the two in this sensational fake trailer for Road Wars: The Imperator Strikes Back. The mashup is stunningly put together with Mad Max characters wielding lightsabers whilst […]
11 years ago

You could win a walk-on role in the new Star Trek movie
As prizes go, this one is out of this world… Star Trek are offering one lucky fan (and a friend) the chance to win a walk-on role in Star Trek Beyond. That’s right – the winners will meet the cast AND star in the cinema release. As well as the main prize, six more winners will […]
11 years ago

Report: Manchester United to sign Barcelona’s Pedro
Spanish sources claim that Manchester United will sign Barcelona’s Pedro this week. Marca report that United have made a decisive move for the 27-year-old, who is available for a relatively low fee due to a reduction in his buyout clause. Pedro, rumbo a Manchester http://t.co/qWQuyuJ6PT pic.twitter.com/GK29TqFtvu — MARCA (@marca) July 19, 2015 Marca claim that an official offer […]
11 years ago

Benteke to Liverpool: Is he worth £32.5m?
Liverpool and Aston Villa have agreed terms for the transfer of Christian Benteke. That basically means that the Merseyside club have agreed to pay the player’s £32.5m buy-out clause. It’s a fair wedge of cash for a player who’s not everyone’s cup of tea. The news has been greeted with mixed opinion. Some are excited about […]
11 years ago

Michael Bisping robs Georges St-Pierre of one of his long standing UFC records
If for no other reason, Georges St-Pierre should return to the octagon and attempt to reclaim his record. The greatest welterweight of all time had been the leader in significant strikes landed in UFC for some time at 1,254. But on Saturday, perennial middleweight contender Michael Bisping finally overtook GSP after landing 115 significant strikes […]
11 years ago

Chilling footage of pro surfer attacked by shark on live TV
We’re gonna need a bigger board… Pro surfer Mick Fanning had an unforeseen challenge while competing in the World Surf League’s JBay Open in South Africa. The 34 year old Surfer, who is ranked the 4th best surfer in the world for 2015, had to fight off a shark while looking to catch a wave […]
11 years ago

Michael Bisping loses a huge chunk of his toe in UFC victory over Thales Leites (Graphic image)
We hope that Michael Bisping wasn’t too emotionally attached to his toes because he’s now literally unattached to one of them. The Count gave a sublime performance as he earned a split-decision victory over Brazil’s Thales Leites in Glasgow and, bar cuts to the eye, they both appeared to be in pretty good nick having gone to war […]
11 years ago

Video: A ‘wheelie gone wrong’ that makes a serious case for always wearing a helmet
Phew. This guy was biking on a motorway when he decided to do a wheelie, which probably would have been fine if it had not been for the bike switching into neutral and throwing him off. The sheer power behind the throw shows you the frailty of the human body when it comes to motor […]
11 years ago

Joe Agony Uncle Matt Berry on life’s greatest problems…
Too much hair? Not the right car? And do you ask them out if you think you’re punching above your weight? Don’t worry, JOE Agony Uncle Matt Berry has all the answers. If you have an issue you’d like Matt to help with – email hello@JOE.co.uk. Dear Uncle Matt, I have a full chest of hair, which I don’t […]
11 years ago

Schneiderlin shines in Seattle
There are encouraging signs for Manchester United’s upcoming season as Van Gaal’s new look side beat Club America 1-0 in Seattle. The first #MUtour line-up. pic.twitter.com/GJTNzhKYRM — Manchester United (@ManUtd) July 18, 2015 All four of the Dutchman’s summer signings made an appearance, with one getting off to a flyer. It took just five minutes […]
11 years ago

A seagull steals a GoPro camera and flies over the Spanish Coast (Video)
Eyeing you up…
11 years ago

Steven Gerrard scores on his MLS debut in LA Galaxy rout
He didn’t slip this time…
11 years ago