Here it is, Luke Shaw fans: a whole story about your favourite left-back with (almost) absolutely *zero* mention of his reportedly strained relationship with Jose Mourinho. You're fucking welcome.
Yep, instead of churning out the usual shit about how his manager doesn't like his attitude / face, we're instead concentrating on the very important matter of him sending a six-word (+ one emoji) Twitter reply to a persistent follower. Because you deserve it.
Are we sitting comfortably? Good. Let us begin.
Once upon a time (last February), there was a Twitter user. His name was @VintageMou.
One day, for reasons we don't fully understand, @VintageMou made a promise to tweet pictures of Luke Shaw to Luke Shaw every single day, only stopping when his efforts were acknowledged by the former Southampton defender in the form of a follow, retweet or reply.
https://twitter.com/VintageMou/status/834140812518776832?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mirror.co.uk%2Fsport%2Frow-zed%2Fman-uniteds-luke-shaw-finally-10300695
For fifty nine days - fifty nine long, fruitless days - @VintageMou mustered the energy to send pictures of Luke Shaw's on-the-fringe-of-the-Manchester-United-first-team face to Luke Shaw with absolutely nothing in the way of reward. He even went to the trouble of counting how many days his mission had lasted in each tweet.
https://twitter.com/VintageMou/status/855117789367062529
On day 59, he made perfectly clear to Luke Shaw that he had no intentions to back down.
https://twitter.com/VintageMou/status/855384293501272065
Then, perhaps prompted by the slightly threatening tone of the tweet, Luke Shaw did put an end to it.
https://twitter.com/LukeShaw23/status/855423673708294145
A valuable lesson to us all: persistence pays off. Even for something as pointless as this.
Keep an eye out for more Luke Shaw updates in the coming weeks, which will no doubt return to the more familiar theme of Jose Mourinho being a bit of a bastard towards him before he eventually ends up getting loaned out to Crystal Palace and the deal becomes permanent a year later.
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