Let's end this madness.
A wise man once said of the English, “you make the effort to wear a bowtie and you just get laughed at by builders.”
Indeed, what is it that sets us apart from our most primitive ancestors if not our habit of tying a length of decorative cloth around our necks? Even the word itself is elegant. Tie. T-I-E. A combined verb/noun. Three letters that mean so much to so many of us.
So imagine my dismay at hearing House of Commons speaker John Bercow’s directive that ties are to be no longer necessary in the chamber, breaking with hundreds of years of tradition.
The news was met with approval from those who suggested that parliament was finally moving into the 20
th Century but many, including backbenchers as well as seven-times failed parliamentary candidate and local radio DJ Nigel Farage quite rightly highlighted the directive as an example of the slow erosion of our traditions.
How is a man able to conduct himself in a parliamentary fashion, if he is required to follow parliamentary fashion? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHAT WILL HOLD THEIR SHIRTS TOGETHER?
This dangerous casualisation must be urgently reversed. Our country cannot be successfully governed if men are conducting themselves with a sliver of chest showing.
It is time to make our nation proud again. There is nothing more powerful than the sight of a man – or woman - in a tie, except perhaps the sight of a them in FIVE TIES. Picture it now. David Davis striding into Brexit negotiations wearing five ties.
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A visibly flabbergasted Jean-Claude Juncker just agreeing to whatever our demands are, overawed and genuinely emotional at the sight of a powerful man wearing five ties.
Our standing in the world would be restored. We wouldn’t need a new ship, just a politician wearing five ties, blowing majestically in the wind.
Imagine also the renewed faith in our MPs, for too long maligned as out-of-touch and out-of-step with the British public. An MP striding into Westminster wearing five ties, representing the interests of their constituents.
Ordinary people across the far corners of this great nation with a spring in their step as they clock in to their zero hours job, or queue at a food bank.
The graduate working an entry-level job with a lifetime of student debt, inspired by the simple act of putting on not one but five ties. The mum sending hungry kids to school after having her benefits sanctioned for missing an appointment, safe in the knowledge that someone in Westminster is wearing five ties.
Make Britain knot again.
