However bad you think this is going to be, it’s worse
Before you go any further, I’ll warn you, you’ll probably need a moment to process what you’re about to read.
This is a story about a woman who used her mum’s sex toy, and that is not even close to being the worst part.
The woman, who identified herself as Melissa, wrote into ‘Help, I Sexted My Boss’, a podcast hosted by Radio 1 DJ Jordan North and etiquette expert William Hanson.
Melissa wanted some advice after finding herself in a situation that you’d probably never fully recover from psychologically.
She explained that whilst house-sitting for her parents, she found a shoebox under the bed whilst trying to find a plug for her phone charger.
So, for some reason, she opened the box and found her mum’s dildo.
This is where things ramp up. Instead of doing what I’d like to think the vast majority of us would do, and put the thing back, she decided to give it a wash and then use it.
There’s more though.
After having used the sex toy, which she said “hit all the right spots” she noticed a little label on the dildo.
It said “Clone-a-willy.” Can you tell where this going yet?
Yes, Melissa had used a replica of her dad’s penis.
She finished her letter with the question: “How am I meant to proceed from here? What’s your advice?”
Both North and Hanson were left understandably speechless, with the DJ shaking his friend’s hand and telling him: “It’s been a great five years, this is it, we’ve peaked.”
I hate to break it to you Melissa, but I’m not sure there’s any advice to be given here other than ‘don’t use your mum’s sex toy.’
Related links:
A woman was rushed to A&E after a vibrator got stuck up her bum
This Morning viewers convinced caller has orgasm live on air, leaving hosts speechless
