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25th Apr 2019

Jamie Carragher comes to Gary Neville’s defence after dressing down from Roy Keane

Kyle Picknell

Roy Keane was on top, top form after Manchester United’s 2-0 defeat to Manchester City on Wednesday night

Roy Keane is not a man of many words, nor is he likely to mince those few words he has. Roy Keane tells it exactly how he sees it and, more often than not, he sees it the same way a film noir director sees a rain-soaked Chicago back alley: black and white, gloomy and miserable.

When asked his verdict on United’s performance during Sky Sports’ post-match show on Wednesday night, Keane was typically damning, criticising Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s team for their lack of desire and ability to do the basics against their admittedly technically-superior rivals.

His former teammate Gary Neville was softer in his criticism, telling Keane that was as about as good as that group of players could actually play and it was simply the gulf in class that was the difference.

Keane responded gently at first, replying “they had one shot on target Gary”, before growing increasingly annoyed at his fellow pundit’s defence of the United performance and beginning to pull that face Roy Keane pulls.

You know the one, the face where he looks as though he is quietly contemplating whether murdering everybody in the room might be worth the multiple life sentences if only to gain a few minutes of silence.

It was honestly a sight to behold: a head-shaking, eye-rolling, canvas masterpiece of quiet rage and frustration.

As a result of the heated (as in Roy Keane got a bit heated, everybody else was fine) back and forth, good cop bad cop analysis of United’s failings, Jamie Carragher was forced to swoop in on Twitter (indirectly, he doesn’t have a deathwish) to tell Roy Keane to leave his Monday Night Football partner in crime alone.

Fair play to the two of them, they’ve come a long way since their playing days. Very proud of the boys.

As for Roy Keane, he doesn’t have Twitter because he is Roy Keane. Roy Keane would last 4 minutes on Twitter before he saw an opinion he partially disagreed with and threw his phone into the nearest lake. He would not cope well with the bad opinion echo chamber that is Twitter. He can barely last half an hour in a room with four other men with slightly different takes on the game than him without literally exploding. Imagine what he’d do if he had a million followers harassing him every day. The world would end. The world would honestly end. He would end it. He would slide tackle the world with such anger it would simply cease to exist. If Roy Keane ever ends up on Twitter just know the end is coming long before climate change eventually gets us. This has been a public service announcement about Roy Keane. Stay safe out there people, especially you Gary.