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02nd May 2024

‘My wife refused to have sex with me for years so I started cheating on her’

Ryan Price

His story has sparked a huge debate online around whether his actions were justified or not.

A 28-year-old man has caused a stir online after posting the story of his affair with another woman on Reddit, and blaming her lack of interest in him as a justification for his cheating.

In a post titled ‘AITAH (Am I The Asshole) for getting it elsewhere since my wife didn’t want to have sex any more?’, the poster describes how he cheated on his wife after she refused to have sex with him for two years and urged him to ‘go get it elsewhere’.

The unfaithful husband described his ordeal in the opening paragraphs. He wrote: “A few months ago I posted for relationship advice on another sub. Basically my wife has decided unilaterally that we are done having sex. She found out that she cannot have kids due to a choice she made before we met. And kids, apparently, are the only reason she was willing to have sex.

“I love my wife and I enjoy being intimate with her. But it was making our marriage untenable after two years of this. So I posted for advice. I got a lot of great support and suggestions about how to talk to my wife. I tried a lot of it. I started going for counselling for myself as well.

“But no matter how I approached her about our situation she would not try and see it from my point of view,” he continued.

“Every discussion would end with her crying and screaming in my face that I am trying to emotionally manipulate her. I then wrote her a letter outlining my feelings and asking her to come with me for counselling, to seek it for herself, perhaps to go see a doctor. I was kind and loving in the letter. The last thing I wanted to do was set her off. I worked on the wording with my counsellor to make sure I wasn’t saying anything aggressive that could be misinterpreted.

“She read the letter. Then she scrawled across it with her red sharpie. ‘Go get it elsewhere because you are not getting it from me’. Then she walked out. I sat there for about an hour doing nothing. Then I told myself that was what I was going to do.”

This is where things start to get saucy.

“We are both fairly successful in our jobs, I’m not super attractive but I’m fit and a good talker,” he wrote.

“It took a while but I met someone. We started out as just friends but it became physical. I made sure she knew I was married. She is not interested in a relationship so I guess I am a safe option for her.

“My wife found out because I did not try and hide it. She was crying when I got home one night. When I came in she asked if I was going to leave her. I said no. She asked if I was cheating on her and I said I was getting sex elsewhere. She said that was cheating and I did not disagree. I asked her what she wanted to do. She said I had to stop. I asked her if we were going to start having sex. She said I was an irrational asshole if I thought that she would have sex with me after I cheated. I went to my desk and pulled out a photocopy of the letter I wrote with her answer in it.

“I went to have a shower and go to my room to sleep. When I woke up she was sitting on the couch waiting to talk.

“She said that she reread the letter and that she realized she had not before. She assumed it was just a letter begging for sex. She said she would go for counselling alone and with me. All I had to do was stop having sex elsewhere.

“I said I would be willing to pause my friendship until we saw a counsellor. And that if I saw progress in our relationship I would break it off. She said she would not agree to counselling without me leaving the other woman.

“It almost turned into a fight so I just went for my run. Before I left I asked her what would compel her to go to counse;ling if I stopped having sex elsewhere. When I got back she still did not have an answer. She couldn’t even say that our relationship was worth saving.

“I don’t want a divorce. But I am willing to leave over this. I am 28 I am not going the rest of my life without sex. She refuses to see my side.”

The top comment, with over 12,000 up votes, reads: “The fact that you made a photocopy of the letter tells me you already know this train is headed for DivorceTown.”

Another asked a very important and necessary question.

A user by the name Careless_Welder_4048 wrote: “Why don’t you just leave her?? I’m so confused.”

Another commented: “You two aren’t compatible. Are you the type of person that wants to have sex with someone that doesn’t want to have sex? I don’t think there’s therapy that will change her mind on what she doesn’t enjoy doing. 

“Just get a divorce. No matter who “wins”, one of you will resent the other. You keep getting it somewhere else, she sees it as cheating and gets mad. You stop seeing someone else, you no longer have sex and resent her. She caves, gives you sex, and just lays there while you do you thing, you’re happy, she isn’t. 

“There is no happy ending where you two are still together.”

That’s probably the most comprehensive and straight-talking response that the poster needs to hear.

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