The kids live on the water and go to work with their parents on a boat
A mum has defended her “controversial” parenting rules, that include banning prams, high chairs, learning to swim and even shoes, saying “this is what works for our family”.
Alex Tucker introduced the rules for parenting Berkley, two, and Freya, one, to fit their rural environment. The 25-year-old lives in Hawkesbury river, in New South Wales, Australia, with her boyfriend, Paul.
The toddlers don’t use high chairs or prams, instead joining in on 8km hikes, and Alex doesn’t enforce any structured play or sign up to weekly commitments like play group.
Her children don’t go to daycare either, with Alex electing to either bring them to work on the boat with her and Paul, or they simply don’t go to work.
And despite living on the waterfront, the mum refuses to teach her kids to swim.
After sharing her rules online, Alex received plenty of criticism from other parents with one commenting that social services should be called.
Burt she’s hit back saying shoes distort feet shape and that prams and high chairs are not essential to their way of living.
Defending her choice not to teach the children how to swim, Alex said they would encourage her water-fearful kids to get into dangerous water to swim.
“I’m not bothered by people who don’t agree with my ‘controversial’ rules,” Alex said, adding: “Mothers are criticised no matter what they do, and especially online.”
For that reason, Alex said she thought it was important to share the “controversial” choices parents make.
“I’m opening the conversation for everyone to start thinking outside the box before straight up criticising someone’s parenting when they don’t know how different someone’s lifestyle can be,” she said.
“I’m not preaching ‘my ways’ – this isn’t a ‘how to’ manual. This is what works for our family.”
Alex’s children roam barefoot across the beach, on pavement and even on their 8km family hikes, but the mum insists going without shoes is better for her kids.
“It sort of shocked me that that was a big issue to a lot of people,” Alex said, adding that in Australia it is “pretty normal” to not wear shoes to the shops, school or work.
“A big factor of that is muscle and joint development. It’s no secret shoes change posture and foot shape so I figure why distort their natural development when shoes just aren’t necessary most of the time.
“Shoes serve purpose, like if the ground is too hot or too cold, or if snakes and wildlife is a valid threat, or if something hurts to walk on.
“For the most part, they are just not things we deal with in our daily life, so the kids don’t wear shoes.
“When you don’t wear shoes, your feet do often toughen. You do learn how to walk on rough surfaces, and being a small coastal town Aussie, that’s just our way of life.”
Alex’s boyfriend Paul owns a fishing business and Alex, who has experience working as a fisherman and commercial captain, often helps on the boat when he’s in need of extra crew members.
The couple usually take their kids along to work with Paul having them by himself if Alex is needed to help on another boat. If the weather conditions are too dangerous for the children to join Paul on the boat and Alex is busy, the dad will miss his day of work entirely rather than send their kids to daycare.
Alex said: “We are a rural family working in primary production – I am a stay at home mother out of necessity, like most rural mothers.
“I’m needed at home for more than childcare and housework – we are the people at the frontline of feeding the nation. “If it is not a desirable day for them to come to work, one parent stays home, that’s rural life.”
Despite living on the waterfront, Alex has decided not to teach her children to swim – another rule that has left concerned parents baffled.
Parents online were quick to point out that knowing how to swim could save her kids’ lives should they end up in the water alone, but Alex has said there is a strong difference between water safety and swimming.
“Swimming lessons was a difficult one to decide on, but I came to the conclusion that a toddler probably couldn’t swim out of the river on their own,” Alex said.
“In the river here, currents and submerged objects are a huge factor for drownings, and while they have a healthy fear of the water, I won’t encourage them to enter it by doing swimming lessons.
“We play by the river a lot, and when a toy falls in, they freak out and come ask me to get it.
“If my eldest has a life jacket on, he will very hesitantly walk in knee deep to get into a boat but refuses to go further – frankly, I want to keep it that way until they are big enough to understand how to swim out of a current.”
Alex said having her kids swim around a pool, isn’t going to help them “in reality”.
“I don’t want them to think of swimming as something fun that people do, at least not at this age,” she explained.
Despite the backlash from other parents, Alex has no regrets over sharing her alternative parenting rules and hopes she has opened up a conversation about rural parenting.
Alex said: “I don’t know that I’d call them rules, it’s just how we are doing things right now because it does work best for us, so I don’t regret sharing them at all!
“I’m actually happy that I got to see some comments like ‘oh I’ve never thought about it like that, makes sense’. “All toddlers are different, but as long as they are happy and healthy – they are where they should be.”
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