Daddy or chips?
It was a question that plagued the minds of every man, woman and child in the 90s. Who could’ve predicted that such an innocent query regarding fathers or a potato product would spark one of the most heated debates of our lifetime? Not I.
Sophie took her sweet ass time deciding which she prefers, but ultimately landed on chips. No judgement here, Sophie naturally gravitated towards what suits her best. It was obviously influenced heavily by the act that preceded her decision, in which her Dad stole a chip from her fork, but she’d put a large amount of thinking into it and we can’t disregard that.
But was Sophie right to choose chips in this entirely fictional piece of advertising? Let’s see.
Whose Daddy is the question referring to?
Although the essence of the question lies in its simplicity, it’s important to dig a little deeper if we’re really going to get to the bottom of this. The term ‘Daddy’ is defined as ‘an affectionate form of direct address, or nickname for a father’, lest there be any confusion. If you’re still struggling, think of it as the opposite to Mummy. Still troubled? It’s your Dad.
Sophie’s presumed sister asks ‘Who do you like best, Daddy or chips?’. They’re on a rowdy school bus, so Sophie rightfully takes some time to consider her options. Logically, her first thought port of call is to decipher which specific Daddy her sister is referring to. Puff? Long legs? Daycare? Cool? Issues? Yankee? The options are endless.
Supposing Sophie lands on the conclusion that it’s their own Daddy or ‘Dad’, as they might refer to him, there’s still another area to address entirely. How can her sister be so blasé about pitting their own father against literally anything else? Sophie’s in emotional turmoil, you can see it all over her face.
What type of chips are we talking about here?
Using a blanket term like ‘chips’ is upsetting, irresponsible and potentially triggering. Sophie’s sister is a reckless little shit for putting her in that position. She’s older, wiser and supposed to be setting an example for her younger sibling. She can play Chopsticks on the piano for fuck sake, don’t you dare try to tell me this wasn’t a politically motivated question she’s seemingly landed on off the cuff.
What she lacks in context, Sophie’s sister more than makes up for in divilment. What’s the real angle here, sister? What are you getting at? Just tell us what type of chips you mean. Are we talking chipper chips, oven chips, microwave chips, crisps, the character in Beauty and the Beast, that shite new film starring Dax Shepard? Which one fucking is it then, Sophie’s sister?
This entire situation is just typical of what we’ve come to expect from Sophie’s sister. Always causing trouble and leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces. She’s selfish, self-serving and frankly, a pompous little shit.
Why does this decision need to be made?
I didn’t plan on spending the entirety of this article ragging on Sophie’s sister, but that’s just where we’ve landed. Bob Ross would call this a ‘happy little accident’, and I’m inclined to agree wholeheartedly. What’s going on in that little psychopath’s head? Having come from a position of being the youngest of two girls, I feel for Sophie. She’s young and impressionable, she doesn’t know that the world’s full of shit just yet.
Her sister is hardened to the ways of the world. She’s seen things and she’s appointed herself as the person to keep Sophie in check. Sophie’s sister is knee-deep in an existential crisis, it’s written all over her malicious little face. She can’t seem to nail down the answers, so she’s enlisting the help of an actual child. It’s cruel, in bad taste and frankly, quite troubling to watch unfold.
The question simply didn’t need to be asked in the first place. Nobody should ever have to choose between a dear family member and a deliciously salty treat. There’s ulterior motives at play here, that’s the only explanation. Sophie’s immediate response to her sister should’ve been ‘Fuck off’, or a more respectful ‘I choose the freedom of speech, you insufferable shit’.
Isn’t there the option for both to be joint favourites?
Given that my knowledge of horse racing is approximately zero, I’m still quite sure that joint favourite is an actual thing that can happen. Once upon a time, someone was asked which horse they favoured, but they couldn’t narrow it down to one, so they give two names. Nobody died, the world is still turning and our oven clocks are still an hour behind because we couldn’t figure out how to fix them for daylight savings.
Imagine a world, Sophie’s sister, where people don’t put their loved ones in such an unnecessarily torturous position. A world where love conquers hate, and chips and Dads are viewed as unrivalled equals. That’s a world I want to live in, it’s safe, it’s warm, it’s cosy. It’s home.
Sophie’s sister is scum. There, I’ve said it. She should be nurturing her younger sibling, letting her know that the world is truly her oyster. What else is Sophie’s sister asking her? To pick a Chuckle Brother? Get a grip, Sophie’s sister, your destructive ways needn’t be projected onto an innocent bystander.
What were the implications of Sophie’s decision?
The downfall of this particular television advertisement that I am taking far too seriously is that it is miles too short. At thirty seconds, I’m left gagging for more. What happened next? Did Sophie’s Dad choke on the chip he stole from her, thus creating the most tragically ironic occurrence of the 90s? I should hope so.
Did her Dad overhear this momentous decision? Did he later die of a broken heart? It’s entirely likely, as dying of a broken heart has been scientifically proven to be an authentic means of death. Put yourself in his insufficient shoes for a moment, he’s just experienced the euphoria that comes with successfully pilfering a chip, only to be immediately crushed by the weight of his inadequacy as a father in comparison with this salty delight.
What if Sophie had chosen Daddy instead of chips? Would this entirely avoidable fictional death have been dodged? Little did poor Sophie know that her a man’s life was resting on her important decision. If she chose Daddy, would the chip have experienced a similar fate of death via a broken heart? We will simply never know. But it’s important to remember that the real enemy here is Sophie’s sister. Never forget that she is scum.
Images via YouTube