‘He was hiding something’
Before Ali Wong became everyone’s favourite road rage businesswoman in the Netflix hit Beef, she had some sage advice for women on the dating scene.
Wong, who stars alongside Steven Yeun in the comedy-revenge show that dropped earlier this year, previously dedicated an entire stand-up routine to preventing women from “falling for” the trap she once succumbed to, dating a man with a small penis.
The actor, writer and comedian, spoke in her special, Hard Knock Wife, about the differences between straight men and women while dating in their 20s, saying “everybody knows the secret now… when a woman sleeps with a man right away, it’s not because we don’t respect ourselves.”
Wong continued: “It’s because we don’t respect you.”
“We don’t see you as marriage material, that’s why we let your dick inside so fast. By letting you in, we’re really kicking you out of our future.”
Wong then turned the joke around, advising women that if a man doesn’t “sleep with you right away, it’s not because he respects you”.
“It’s because he has a small dick and he’s trying to trap you.”
Wong joked that this was one of the worst things that could happen to a heterosexual women, and urged women everywhere to “not fall for that trap”.
“I’m going to repeat that s**t to my daughter over and over and over again.”
And apparently, the joke, well, it was more than just a funny line.
Wong has real-life experience in this area, confessing that “I feel for that s**t once.”
Wong said she fell in love and got into a semi-long-term relationship with a man who kept wanting to put off getting intimate, something she put down, at the time, to him thinking “It’s because he thought I was so special and amazing and worth waiting for – he was hiding something!”
When the couple finally got down to it, Wong said she was presented with “this tiny mess of a thing that wouldn’t even reach your molars.”
Wong added that on that occasion, which was the “first and last time [she] had ever seen an actual micropenis”, her first reaction was to ask her partner if he had been in some sort of accident.
Despite leaving the dick jokes on stage, Wong’s character in Beef has some odd perversions of her own.
She masturbates with a gun.
Wong told Variety of the fetish: “It’s one of those scenes where you think you’ll be nervous but I really wasn’t. It felt real. So I didn’t really think about it too much.”
She went on: “Amy has a lot of shame. When she says in the finale, ‘I don’t want anybody to see me’ – you know, so many people desperately want to be seen, and she’s like, ‘Oh, no, I really don’t want people to see me’.
“That’s one of those things that she doesn’t want people to see, you know? She’s done something she wouldn’t even tell a best friend, and probably wouldn’t write even in a journal because she’d be too scared of someone reading it and finding out.”
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