Life | 4 months ago
23 stupid questions about British people, answered
You're welcome, world.

Britain is a nation of idiosyncrasies.

We have our ways, our habits, our little things that make us unique - the things that make us British. But as with all idiosyncrasies, to the outside world we can look a little odd sometimes.

To help the outside world understand us better, we scraped through Twitter to see what kind of questions the world is asking about Britain and tried to answer them. Unfortunately, some of the questions were downright stupid. Nevertheless, we gave it a shot.

 1.

It's not called 'beans under toast', is it?

 

2.

Have you seen our weather? It's amazing we ever come back.

 

3.

You say that like John isn't the best name for a dog ever.

 

4.

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Because we got tired of yelling "I JUST WANT A COFFEE" in Starbucks.

 

5.

There was a time when our people were great friends with the Birds.

Our children played together in the street. Little British children and little Bird children, playing football and shitting on car windshields. But those little Bird children grew up to be big Bird men.

Big Bird men with big Bird ideas. Ideas about how things were and the way things should be. We listened, patiently. We let pigeons into our towns and cities. We welcomed budgies into our homes. We set up the RSPB.

Then one of them took a crap on Lord Nelson, and that's when things started to change.

 

6.

IT'S ALL WE'VE GOT AND THEY'RE EVEN TAKING THAT AWAY FROM US.

 

7.

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Because getting drunk and starting fights in our own homes means we have to clean up the mess in the morning.

 

8.

There's a very good chance one of the candidates will get us all killed.

 

9.

Because it's the only WHAEEYYYY of life we know.

 

10.

You're right. The correct term is 'bolognese cake'.

 

11.

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IT DOESN'T MATTER WHY WE LOVE WWE SO MUCH.

 

12.

It just really fucking burns us up that we're not popular on YouTube, alright?

 

13.

They are two different names, but we do it just to piss off Gerald Butler.

 

14.

RULE, BRITANNIA! BRITANNIA RULE THE WAVES!

 

15.

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We're not sure. The current theory revolves around the extreme potency of Brian Blessed's sperm.

 

16.

What can we say? Interior design is in our blood.

 

17.

We all start learning the recorder from the age of three.

 

18.

Because it sparkles and we are fabulous.

 

19.

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If you're about to chat shit about Phil and Kirsty, a word of warning: you do not chat shit about Phil and Kirsty.

 

20.

It depends. Sometimes two kisses is enough, other times you have to escalate the situation into full-blown hardcore pornography.

 

21.

To be clear, these people are rounded up and killed.

 

22.

Sipping tea is everything we do.

 

23.

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Did you read any of these questions?

 

FFL-new1

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