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10th Jul 2023

‘My wife-to-be wants to ban my daughter from our wedding – it’s heartbreaking’

Charlie Herbert

'My fiancée wants to ban my daughter from our wedding - it's breaking my heart'

She doesn’t think his daughter would ‘fit the part’

A man has shared his torment after his fiancée said she didn’t want his 11-year-old daughter to be at their wedding.

For many, a wedding day is an opportunity to share one of the most important days of their life with their closest friends and family.

But one man is facing the possibility of his daughter not being allowed to attend on the big day.

He explained that he has a daughter from a previous relationship and has 50/50 custody of her, so she is still a huge part of his life.

Because of this, he planned for her to be the flower girl at his upcoming wedding with his current partner.

But his wife-to-be has told him she doesn’t want the 11-year-old to attend as she wouldn’t “fit the part,” claiming that as the bride she would choose which girls would be in the wedding party.

Sharing his dilemma in a post on Reddit, the man wrote: “I have a daughter (P) from a previous relationship. I divorced my ex-wife on good terms and we share 50/50 custody of P. She is now 11. After I divorced my ex-wife I met my now fiancée (S). S and my daughter get along very well. After five years in my relationship with S, I proposed.

“S was super excited and wanted to start planning right away. She looked at venues and started asking her friends to be her bridesmaids. She then told me she wanted her niece to be a flower girl.”


He explained he had no issue with this, but told his fiancée that he wanted P to be a flower girl as well.

When he said this though, she “looked at me funny and then said that she didn’t think that P would ‘fit the part.'”

The man continued: “I got angry and told S that my daughter would be in our wedding. S started to become upset and said that the girls in the wedding were up to her and that P wouldn’t be one of them.

“I told S that if P wasn’t in the wedding then there might not be a wedding. I stormed out and took P to get ice cream.”

He added: “P knows we are getting married and told me she thinks she will look pretty in whatever dress S decides she should wear. This broke my heart and I decided to text S. I told her I would be staying at a friend’s to think this over.

“My mother-in-law texted me saying I am overreacting and that my daughter doesn’t have to be in my wedding and I was an a** for saying that I would cancel.

“So did I take it too far by saying I will cancel? Am I overreacting or just being a good dad?”

Many sided with the man in the dilemma, saying that it was a “major red flag” for his partner to not want his daughter there at the wedding, and suggested the man call the wedding off.

One person wrote: “This is a major red flag. Please don’t ignore it. Your daughter comes first. Please do not marry this woman who diminishes you and your daughters feelings.”

Another said: “It would be a giant red flag to me if my future spouse not only didn’t think to include my child in our wedding on their own, but also put up such a fuss to explicitly exclude them.”


A third commented: “The fact that S wants to exclude your daughter should tell you all you need to know and how S really feels about your daughter.

“I think you’re right to reconsider things. How S is treating so now will set the stage for how she will continue to treat her if you marry her. Imagine how S treats your daughter when you aren’t around.”

And someone else praised the dad for standing up for her daughter, writing: “Props to you for standing up for your daughter, that’s exactly what a good dad should do.

“Your fiancé is trying to diminish your daughter’s role in your wedding. I’d be concerned that’ll carry over to other parts of your life too.”

The man later posted an update to Reddit, in which he revealed he had left S following a further conversation with her, in which she revealed she was hoping he would become a “holiday visit only dad” after the wedding.

He explained: “She quietly said ‘I was hoping that after the wedding you could become a holiday visit only dad, I didn’t want her in the wedding so she wouldn’t be in the photos around the house since she wasn’t going to be around much.’

“I kept my cool, calmly took her hand, and pulled my engagement ring off.

“Her eyes started to tear up, she said we shouldn’t end the marriage over this and that she can change. I told her the damage was already don. I told her I wanted her things moved out by next week and that she could come get them when my daughter wasn’t home.”

He added that he would now be taking his daughter to Hawaii, where his honeymoon was supposed to be.

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