Proof kids really do say the funniest things…
Exploding Unicorn, real name James Breakwell, is a comedian and father of four who has a knack for turning real life situations into carefully crafted viral tweets.
By sharing incidents and conversations from interactions with his daughters (5, 3, 1 & 5 months) James has amassed a huge following of net-savvy teens.
Now, with more than 330,000 followers on Twitter James spends his days writing about ‘anything that makes my family look good and me look bad’
Although some of his tweets are clearly more genuine than others, he hardly ever fails to be funny.
Me: We've taken 1,000 pics. We're never going to get all 4 kids smiling at once.
Wife: Fine. Just pick the best one pic.twitter.com/E7jDR5uGIm
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 27, 2016
Me: Who's your favorite in the new Star Wars movie?
5-year-old: Kylo Ren
I'm suddenly very concerned with where our relationship is headed
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 9, 2016
5-year-old: What's puberty?
Me: It's when your body goes through changes.
5: Is that when I'll get my ice powers?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 19, 2016
Me: Time for breakfast.
5-year-old: Wow, Dad, you didn't burn it as much as usual.
Her current passive aggressiveness level is wife.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2016
5-year-old: I drew a llamaman.
Me: What's that?
5: *rolls her eyes* A man who's a llama, Dad.
I have so much to learn about everything.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 18, 2016
[3-year-old rides her bike]
Me: I taught her everything she needs to know
Wife: Braking?
Me: I taught her half of what she needs to know.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 17, 2016
When the clock says, "It's time to go," but your body says, "Fuck daylight saving time." pic.twitter.com/OvALNPTqq7
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 14, 2016
Toddler: *spills an entire bowl of popcorn and then eats it off the floor*
5-year-old: Stop it!
Me: Let her go. I don't want to vacuum.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 17, 2016
3-year-old: Our house isn't very fast.
Me: It's a house. It doesn't move at all.
3: We should get a faster one.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 16, 2016
3-year-old daughter: A boy at daycare said he likes me.
Me: Do you like him back?
3: He colors outside the lines. He needs to grow up.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2016
Being a dad means always being a shoulder to cry on.
And wipe your nose on.
And spit up on.
I'm basically just a human napkin.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 13, 2016
I let my toddler dress herself.
She's wearing a cupcake. pic.twitter.com/u6Mn5NTve7
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 18, 2016
Me: You understand the Dark Side is bad, right?
5-year-old: How come they get the cool masks?
Me: It's not a fashion contest.
5: Says you
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 12, 2016
Me: Being a mommy is a very important job.
3-year-old daughter: Does it pay a lot?
Me: It doesn't pay anything.
3: I'll be a mailman.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 6, 2016
I knew her rock star lifestyle would catch up with her eventually. pic.twitter.com/D8ZFhieS2l
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 23, 2015
Check out James’ ‘Unbelievably Bad‘ series of webcomics, published daily. Warning: it’s supposed to be bad. And be sure to follow him @XplodingUnicorn on Facebook and Twitter for updates.
