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02nd Apr 2024

‘I told my fat friend needs to lower her standards if she wants to find a boyfriend’


She ‘has a long list of demands, most of which she does not meet’

A person has taken to Reddit to question whether they are in the wrong for telling their friend to lower her standards in order to find a partner.

The OP began by explaining that their friend, whom they called Lola, had been looking for a boyfriend for ‘a very long time’.

“She is on every dating app and wears white whenever we go out to ‘manifest a husband,'” they added.

“When we hang out, she constantly complains about her dating life,” the OP wrote. “Even if we’re talking about something completely different, she finds some way to make the conversation about her boy troubles.”

They went on to explain that it had ‘become abundantly clear why Lola cannot bag a man’ – her ‘long list of demands’ that she herself does not meet.

“She wants someone who is ambitious in his career and makes six figures (she works part time and lives with her parents, and doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to move out),” the OP put.

“He needs to go to the gym regularly and take care of his body (Lola is overweight and hates exercise).”

Other demands that the friend of Lola’s claim she has include that the guy must be musical and tall, despite Lola herself being neither.

“She complains that when we go out no guys approach her, but I’ve seen plenty of guys ask her to dance, buy her a drink, etc and she rejects all of them.”

They went on to explain that when Lola asked them how they found their own partner Jim, who fits all of Lola’s criteria, they were slated for their response.

“I told her that if she wants to find a man like that, she should consider applying herself more in her job, going to the gym, and picking up a hobby she wants her partner to have,” they wrote. “Otherwise, she could either date a guy that is interested in her as she is, or be comfortable with being single.”

Despite thinking they had been ‘very polite’ with this response, it ‘completely killed the mood’.

“Lola got really upset and accused me of fat shaming her (even though I never said anything about losing weight–just going to the gym because she wants her partner to go to the gym),” the OP wrote.

They concluded by saying that they had ‘effectively ended the brunch with what I thought was helpful advice.’

Some of the brunch attendees later demanded the OP apologise to Lola for their comments, whereas others supported them.

With over 1,200 comments on the Reddit post, it’s fair to say the story caused a stir.

“You gave Lola honest, helpful advice when she asked for it. You didn’t fat shame her, just pointed out that people often date those with similar lifestyles,” one person responded. “Sometimes we need to hear hard truths from our friends, even if it hurts at first.”

Another person wrote: “If you want to meet guys who go to the gym, then going to the gym would seem to be an obvious step. Blindingly obvious in fact, and not fat shaming at all. People of all sizes go to gyms.”

While a third put: “People need truth. So many are lied to nowadays it’s not helping mental health it’s making it so much worse. Real friends don’t lie to each other.”

Related links:
‘I’m fat and refused to give a toddler the extra seat I’d booked on a flight’

‘I pulled my kids out of their school because their teacher is fat’

Katie Price reveals heartbreaking reason she has hardly any friends