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25th Dec 2016

‘Vegan pigs in blankets’ has deeply upset meat-eaters everywhere

This has caused quite a stir

Nooruddean Choudry

We all know what the traditional ‘pigs in blankets’ entails.

It is a fundamental component of Christmas dinners up and down the land, and for many it is the very best aspect of festive feasting. Sure the roast turkey (plus stuffing) takes centre stage and dominates plate coverage, but PiBs are the connoisseur’s mouthful of choice.

In the UK at least, ‘pigs in blankets’ refers to small sausages (usually chipolatas) wrapped in bacon – simple as that. In fact it’s very hard to fuck up in any unreconcilable way. The US version is hot dogs in croissant rolls, which are not right for Christmas but even they have their merits.

Image result for pigs in blankets

But a vegan version the Crimbo staple caused something of a stir on social media as traditionalists/carnivores baulked at the very suggestion that such a thing was possible or indeed permissible. We’re all aware of protein-based meat-free ‘meats’, but it seems some things are sacred.

In fairness to the rather militant PiB police, the photographic evidence at the centre of the consternation looked far from appetising. Please see Exhibit A:

No, that’s not plasticine fashioned by a two-year-old, it’s actual consumable meat substitute. As you can imagine, the response was not wholly positive. The very opposite in fact…

In fairness to Luke, the cooked version looked far more appetising (and far less cruel to actual pigs, blanketed or otherwise) but it will still be seen as blasphemy to eager meat-eaters…