‘I felt like the most awful person, leaving somebody because they have cancer’
A woman is preparing to run the London Marathon for her ex-boyfriend who she left because she couldn’t cope with his cancer battle.
Danielle Epstein says she ”felt like the most awful person leaving somebody because they have cancer”, but is now running 26.2 miles to raise money for brain tumour research.
The 32-year-old’s ex, Jelle Fresen, was diagnosed with a grade 4 medulloblastoma in September 2022 when he was 37. The tumour type is so rarely seen in adults it is among the least well-understood, and the prognosis is variable.
The couple were buying a house in London when Jelle, who works as a Google software engineer, suffered dizzy spells and vomiting.
He then had to go through radiotherapy and chemotherapy and learn to walk again.
Danielle, a physics teacher, experienced panic attacks and her mental health plummeted – so they split up.
She moved to Thailand with her dad but has stayed friends with Jelle, who will watch her run the marathon on Sunday, in his name, for Brain Tumour Research.
“I still love Jelle deeply and want to support him, but I came to realise I couldn’t stay with him as his partner,” Danielle said.
“I felt like the most awful person, leaving somebody because they have cancer but it was damaging my mental health and it wasn’t helping Jelle.
“We’re still figuring things out and finding ways to continue our relationship as friends. Our whole lives came out from under us.”
Danielle said the former couple were on a “path to a certain future”, but within one day “we knew it wasn’t going to work out like that anymore”.
“I was so worried and devastated, I couldn’t sleep or eat,” Danielle recalled.
“I was having panic attacks and was on so much medication to sort myself out I just couldn’t function.”
Danielle continued: “The UK is not a developing nation; we should be scientifically innovative, but treatments haven’t changed in decades and we seem to be behind other countries and the advances they have made.
“We desperately need more research and trials to develop better treatments.”
In August, after numerous consultations with GPs and ineffective treatments for an ear infection, the vomiting became much worse.
Jelle went for a private MRI where the mass was discovered and surgery was booked for September. It was then confirmed the tumour was cancerous.
The surgery left nerve damage which resulted in palsy to the right side of Jelle’s face, and a squint which causes double-vision.
He also can’t fully close his eye and must use eye drops and ointments constantly.
Danielle said: “I felt so helpless watching all this unfold, so I knew I had to do something.
“I’m not a runner, but Jelle has done marathons before, so I thought it would be a challenge for me and a nice tribute to him and it felt like something to aim towards.
“I won’t be fast, but I’m determined to get round. “Training has been tough physically and mentally, just keeping going when you’re so bored is challenging.
“But I have the best motivation; if Jelle can go through all of this then I can run a marathon.”
Jelle said: “I will be there on the day to cheer Danielle on, I think it’s incredible what she’s doing.
“When she said she was going to do a marathon, I must admit I had my doubts. “I think she only did about 5km when we were together and that was with a lot of complaining. “I’ve got so much respect for her discipline and perseverance.”
Carol Robertson, national events manager for Brain Tumour Research, said: “We’re so sorry to hear about Jelle’s diagnosis.
“While his tumour type is rare, brain cancer is not, with one in three people knowing somebody affected. “We’re very grateful to Danielle for taking on this huge challenge to help raise funds for our cause.
“Our Marathon runners are supported every step of the way, and we look forward to cheering her across the finish line. “If you have your own place through the ballot, we would love you to join our Fighting Force London Marathon team.”
As of Thursday afternoon, £6,200 had been donated on Danielle’s JustGiving page.
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