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26th Sep 2023

Revealed: The funniest football chants of all time

Jack Peat

An ode to Peter Crouch tops the list

Football supporters have had their say on the funniest chants – with an ode to Peter Crouch coming top.

“He’s big, he’s red, his feet stick out the bed” dates back to the six-foot-six star’s Liverpool career where he played from 2005 to 2008.

Second spot went to “When you’re sat in row Z, and the ball hits your head, that’s Zamora” – an affectionate tribute to ex-West Ham striker Bobby Zamora set to Dean Martin’s ‘That’s Amore.’

While “Chelsea, wherever you may be, keep your wife from John Terry” came third – a dig at the former Stamford Bridge captain after his affair with the partner of then teammate Wayne Bridge.

The poll of 2,000 adults who watch football, commissioned by, found humour (61 per cent) and banter (42 per cent) are key characteristics to a ‘good’ chant.

With 81 per cent describing chants as a crucial part of the atmosphere at live matches.

A spokesman for the betting platform said: “Football fans never miss a chance to enjoy some banter at the expense of their rivals.

“As the study shows, chants are integral to the live match experience – and a fascinating, enduring link between the modern game and eras gone by.

“And while spectators of other sports do enjoy a good song when cheering on their teams, football fans are on another level.”

Other chants in the top 10 include “Stand up if you pay your tax” – a chant aimed at Harry Redknapp after he was investigated for tax fraud.

And “Your teeth are offside,” which is about controversial ex-Liverpool star Luiz Suarez and his prominent gnashers – although he hasn’t helped himself, having bitten several opposition players.

When it comes to more traditional terrace songs, “You’re not singing anymore”, “Sacked in the morning, you’re getting sacked in the morning,” and “Who ate all the pies?” came top.

Followed by “Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be, we’re going to Wembley” and “You only sing when you’re winning” – something 29 per cent of fans admit they do.

Of the 72 per cent of supporters who enjoy a good sing when watching football, most (53 per cent) ‘always’ or ‘often’ do so when cheering on their side live in the stadium.

However, 22 per cent ‘always’ or ‘often’ belt out a few numbers when enjoying a match down the pub, and 28 per cent even do so when watching football on the TV.

Carried out through OnePoll, the study found Liverpool fans create the best atmosphere in the Premier League, followed by Manchester United and Newcastle United.

In Scotland, it’s the Celtic fans who generate the best atmosphere at games, followed by Glasgow rivals Rangers, and then Aberdeen.

The best club anthem, according to those polled, also went to Liverpool and Celtic, with ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ most popular with fans.

‘Glory Glory Man United’ came second and Stoke’s ‘Delilah’ secured third place.

A spokesman for said: “Music, whether it’s through chants, through club anthems, through walk out music, or even when goals are scored, plays a major role in football.

“This study just touches on the influence both have upon one another.

“While the game continues to develop and advance, football chants show no signs of ever dying out and remain a popular element of the matchday experience for fans.”

Top 10 funniest football chants

  1. ‘He’s big, he’s red, his feet stick out the bed’ (chant about Peter Crouch)
  2. ‘When you’re sat in row Z, and the ball hits your head, that’s Zamora, that’s Zamora’ (chant about Bobby Zamora to the tune of ‘That’s Amore’ by Dean Martin)
  3. ‘Chelsea, wherever you may be, keep your wife from John Terry’ (chant about John Terry to the tune of ‘Lord of the Dance’)
  4. ‘Stand up if you pay your tax’ (chant aimed at Harry Redknapp after he was investigated for tax fraud)
  5. ‘Ian Wright Wright Wright’ (Arsenal fans dedicated a song to legend Ian Wright)
  6. ‘Your teeth are offside’ (chant about Luiz Suarez)
  7. ‘His name is Rio, and he watches from the stands’ (chant about Rio Ferdinand to the tune of ‘Rio’ by Duran Duran)
  8. ‘He’s fast, he’s red, he talks like Father Ted’ (chant about Robbie Keane)
  9. ‘His name is Rio and he dances on the grass/Don’t take the ball from him, he’ll kick your f ass.’ (chant about Rio Ferdinand to the tune of ‘Rio’ by Duran Duran)
  10. ‘You should have stayed on the telly’ (chant directed at Alan Shearer when manager of Newcastle)

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