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29th Jun 2016

22 pictures that show the difference between professional and school football

"It's alright lads, we're downhill second half!"

Alex Finnis

1. The pitch in pro football: Groundsmen compete over who can create the smoothest surface and most perfect pattern.

Screen Shot 2016-06-29 at 11.33.31Photo: Sky Sports


In school football: You can only play down one wing because the other side is a bog, and there’s no grass anywhere near either goal.

Photo: Twitter: @SsCarlton / JOE


2. Goal kicks in pro football: The ‘keeper is expected to use them to help set up his team’s next attack.

Photo: Alex Livesey / Getty


In school football: The centre back has to take them instead because the ‘keeper can barely kick it out of the penalty area.

Fuck this...Photo: Twitter: @SundayChants / JOE


3. Half-time in pro football: A chance for the manager to get his team together to reassess the tactics for the second half.

Arsenal v Swansea City - Premier LeaguePhoto: Clive Mason / Getty


In school football: “It’s alright lads, we’re playing downhill second half!”

Screen Shot 2016-06-29 at 11.59.39Photo: Twitter: @SundayChants


4. Nets in pro football: Seeing a long-range strike bulge in the back of the net is maybe the most satisfying thing in the game.

Brazil v Chile: Round of 16 - 2014 FIFA World Cup BrazilPhoto: Paul Gilham / Getty


In school football: There weren’t any… which meant every shot was followed by the ‘keeper having to run 50ft behind the goal to fish the ball out of a ditch.

Screen Shot 2016-06-29 at 12.12.33Photo: Twitter: @StevieFairbairn


5. Yellow cards in pro football: A slightly mistimed tackle is all it takes.

GettyImages-518742530Photo: Alex Livesey / Getty


In school football: You basically had to saw someone’s leg off, and even then you might get away with a warning.

goalmouth (1)Photo: Twitter: @SundayChants / JOE


6. Kits in pro football: Made out of magical technology that actually gets lighter with sweat, makes you twice as fast, and improves your shooting accuracy by up for 50%.

real-madrid-home-kit-2015-2016-adidasPhoto: Adidas


In school football: The shirts were always three sizes too big for you, weighed the same as a small child, and there were three number 4s in the bag but no 7s.

Screen Shot 2016-06-29 at 12.51.39Photo: Twitter: @JDMeakin_


7. Centre-backs in pro football: Have to be strong physically and good in the air, but also capable on the ball.

Manchester City v Manchester United - Premier LeaguePhoto: Clive Mason / Getty


In school football: Literally just whichever kid is biggest.

Screen Shot 2016-06-29 at 14.41.22
Photo: Twitter: @MaajaLissette


8. Goalkeepers in pro football: Normally quite tall, athletic, and with excellent reactions and handling skills.

England v Italy - UEFA EURO 2012 Quarter FinalPhoto: Laurence Griffiths / Getty


In school football: The same kid who had to play wickie in the cricket team.

Training for thefootball seasonPhoto: Christopher Furlong / Getty / JOE


9. Chants in pro football: A mixture of swear words and stuff that is actually pretty funny and inventive.

Screen Shot 2016-06-29 at 16.25.06Photo: Twitter: @J_Standley10


In school football: It’s just members of your own team shouting “still 0-0 lads!” whenever you score a goal.

Thinks he's Cristiano Ronaldo (1)Photo: Wikipedia / Creative Commons


10. The ref in pro football: A fully-trained professional who has no ties to either team playing the match.

Photo: Christopher Lee / Getty / JOE


In school football: A teacher from the other school who was always outrageously biased against you.

Photo: Twitter: @LarkfieldLadies / JOE


11. Tactics in pro football: Specifically tailored to the team you’re playing, with flexible formations and well-drilled moves.

Liverpool v ChelseaPhoto: Alex Livesey / Getty


In school football: Just kick it to that one kid who’s actually any good.

ezgif-3465538879Photo: Sky Sports

You know, the guy who once had trials at Swindon when he was 10 and definitely never mentioned it again.