1. The pitch in pro football: Groundsmen compete over who can create the smoothest surface and most perfect pattern.
Photo: Sky Sports
In school football: You can only play down one wing because the other side is a bog, and there’s no grass anywhere near either goal.
Photo: Twitter: @SsCarlton / JOE
2. Goal kicks in pro football: The ‘keeper is expected to use them to help set up his team’s next attack.
Photo: Alex Livesey / Getty
In school football: The centre back has to take them instead because the ‘keeper can barely kick it out of the penalty area.
Photo: Twitter: @SundayChants / JOE
3. Half-time in pro football: A chance for the manager to get his team together to reassess the tactics for the second half.
Photo: Clive Mason / Getty
In school football: “It’s alright lads, we’re playing downhill second half!”
Photo: Twitter: @SundayChants
4. Nets in pro football: Seeing a long-range strike bulge in the back of the net is maybe the most satisfying thing in the game.
Photo: Paul Gilham / Getty
In school football: There weren’t any… which meant every shot was followed by the ‘keeper having to run 50ft behind the goal to fish the ball out of a ditch.
Photo: Twitter: @StevieFairbairn
5. Yellow cards in pro football: A slightly mistimed tackle is all it takes.
Photo: Alex Livesey / Getty
In school football: You basically had to saw someone’s leg off, and even then you might get away with a warning.
Photo: Twitter: @SundayChants / JOE
6. Kits in pro football: Made out of magical technology that actually gets lighter with sweat, makes you twice as fast, and improves your shooting accuracy by up for 50%.
Photo: Adidas
In school football: The shirts were always three sizes too big for you, weighed the same as a small child, and there were three number 4s in the bag but no 7s.
Photo: Twitter: @JDMeakin_
7. Centre-backs in pro football: Have to be strong physically and good in the air, but also capable on the ball.
Photo: Clive Mason / Getty
In school football: Literally just whichever kid is biggest.
Photo: Twitter: @MaajaLissette
8. Goalkeepers in pro football: Normally quite tall, athletic, and with excellent reactions and handling skills.
Photo: Laurence Griffiths / Getty
In school football: The same kid who had to play wickie in the cricket team.
Photo: Christopher Furlong / Getty / JOE
9. Chants in pro football: A mixture of swear words and stuff that is actually pretty funny and inventive.
Photo: Twitter: @J_Standley10
In school football: It’s just members of your own team shouting “still 0-0 lads!” whenever you score a goal.
Photo: Wikipedia / Creative Commons
10. The ref in pro football: A fully-trained professional who has no ties to either team playing the match.
Photo: Christopher Lee / Getty / JOE
In school football: A teacher from the other school who was always outrageously biased against you.
Photo: Twitter: @LarkfieldLadies / JOE
11. Tactics in pro football: Specifically tailored to the team you’re playing, with flexible formations and well-drilled moves.
Photo: Alex Livesey / Getty
In school football: Just kick it to that one kid who’s actually any good.
Photo: Sky Sports
You know, the guy who once had trials at Swindon when he was 10 and definitely never mentioned it again.
