Pascal Chimbonda has come out with one of the strangest football stories of the year.
Chimbonda, who had spells for Tottenham, Sunderland, Blackburn, QPR, Doncaster and Carlisle, recently popped up on French TV to explain the strange footballing ways of the English.
And it appears his best example of the football-mad Englanders involved a story between him and Jimmy Bullard.
You see, Chimbonda and Bullard were once teammates at Wigan and became fairly good mates up North… but according to the Frenchman, Bullard would sometimes get a little bit too comfortable around his teammates.
L’anecdote surréaliste de Pascal Chimbonda … sur la masturbation d’un de ses anciens coéquipiers !!! ????? #LeVestiaire cc @TheSun pic.twitter.com/CpgKY3PkwH
— SFR Sport (@SFR_Sport) October 31, 2016
As Chimbonda said to Christophe Dugarry, Emmanuel Petit and Frank Leboeuf, Jimmy Bullard once, shall we say, stroked the monkey while watching TV in a hotel room… with Chimbonda and three other players present.
“Dans sa tete il etait flage”, the Frenchman says. Essentially, Bullard had some self-abuse on his mind. Ouch. Needless to say, everyone listening to the story absolutely loses it at this point.
Now, of course, this could all be untrue. Or a simple misunderstanding. Footballers spend a lot of time in constricting clothing *downstairs*, so Bullard may just have been rearranging himself while the boys were watching television.
There’s nothing wrong with playing a bit of pocket billiards if your meat and two veg get stuck. It happens to us all.
But the way Chimbonda tells it, Bullard was getting intimate with himself in the presence (and presumably full view) of his fellow players. Not quite the team bonding exercise they needed, perhaps.
The segment ends with Emmanuel Petit wishing Chimbonda luck if he ever returns to England.
“The English are crazy”, Chimbonda replies.
Quite.
(Special thanks to Rowanne Westhenry for the translation. Take a look at her book “Reset” which is current in need of funding.)
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