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Published 11:54 13 Nov 2018 GMT
Updated 11:58 13 Nov 2018 GMT

James is a young man who appears to be very athletic. Unfortunately, though, he's also a musician with a band called The Vamps - and as we know 'Arry has a deathly fear of not just vampires but all things occult. James isn't getting a look in.
Confident, American, good at singing - John Barrowman has it all. 'Arry will be impressed with Barrowman's Broadway resume, proof - he would see it - that "the boy has what it takes to compete on the big stage".
In truth, Harry has never heard of Sair and is more of an Eastenders fan than Corrie. But, it's his edict that everyone deserves a contract and a chance to prove they deserve it. Three-year deal on £15,000-per-week.
Nick might be the closest to a real 'Arry signing that we have here. His work on millions of DIY shows over the years proves he isn't afraid to get his hands dirty, while his recent career shift into music is proof that he has no little skill. These two qualities - combined with the fact that Knowles does yoga to keep himself in top, top shape - would make him a starter for any Redknapp team in the jungle.
Like plenty of people on this list, Harry has never heard of Malique Thompson-Dwyer. But that isn't to say he won't be impressed by his ability to deal with drama on hit show Hollyoaks - an essential quality in the football world. Also, as someone who we assume is a fan of the Royal family, 'Arry will be enamoured by the fact that Malique plays a character called Prince McQueen, the most regal name in the world.
Now, 'Arry is not a fan of pop music so he's never heard of Fleur East. Thankfully, Fleur is French for "flower" and 'Arry has always been keen on taking a punt on foreign talent he has little to no knowledge of. He would definitely sign her up, if only for a short-term loan.
A star of Eastenders and a bit of a geezer, like 'Arry. Her TV appearances mean that he has definitely seen Rita before. A fellow Cockney, she would be signed up without even a trial, either as a player or an assistant.
Harry loves experience - as evidenced by his signings of Brad Friedel and Ryan Nelsen while Spurs manager - and Anne has experience in spades. Her role of 'Chaser' also suggests that she'd be skilled at chasing a game - a position 'Arry's teams often find themselves in.
First signing, record fee, nailed on. With a name like Atack, Emily is going straight into the forward line. Nominative determinism and all that. Her appearances on hit show The Inbetweeners would also make 'Arry think that she's adept at finding space between defenders, regardless of whether that's actually the case.Explore more on these topics:
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