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13th Nov 2018

Ranking the I’m A Celeb contestants by how likely Harry Redknapp would be to sign them

Wayne Farry

harry redknapp

Harry Redknapp is officially in I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here

Yes. The jungle is getting its first ever football manager and it’s none other than the big cojone of all big cojones: Harry Redknapp.

During his time in the undergrowth ‘Arry is going to be doing some things he’s never done before – eating kangaroo testicles and talking to a television camera without hanging out of a car window.

He still has a job to do, though. The jungle – much like a relegation dog fight – is an unforgiving environment, and so the former Spurs, West Ham and Pompey boss will need to be at his very best to come out on top. In that spirit, we’ve ranked all his fellow I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here contestants by how likely ‘Arry would be to sign them.

James McVey – Musician

James is a young man who appears to be very athletic. Unfortunately, though, he’s also a musician with a band called The Vamps – and as we know ‘Arry has a deathly fear of not just vampires but all things occult. James isn’t getting a look in.

John Barrowman – Singer

Confident, American, good at singing – John Barrowman has it all. ‘Arry will be impressed with Barrowman’s Broadway resume, proof – he would see it – that “the boy has what it takes to compete on the big stage”.

Sair Khan – Actor

In truth, Harry has never heard of Sair and is more of an Eastenders fan than Corrie. But, it’s his edict that everyone deserves a contract and a chance to prove they deserve it. Three-year deal on £15,000-per-week.

Nick Knowles – TV presenter, singer

Nick might be the closest to a real ‘Arry signing that we have here. His work on millions of DIY shows over the years proves he isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty, while his recent career shift into music is proof that he has no little skill. These two qualities – combined with the fact that Knowles does yoga to keep himself in top, top shape – would make him a starter for any Redknapp team in the jungle.

Malique Thompson-Dwyer – Actor

Like plenty of people on this list, Harry has never heard of Malique Thompson-Dwyer. But that isn’t to say he won’t be impressed by his ability to deal with drama on hit show Hollyoaks – an essential quality in the football world. Also, as someone who we assume is a fan of the Royal family, ‘Arry will be enamoured by the fact that Malique plays a character called Prince McQueen, the most regal name in the world.

Fleur East – Singer

Now, ‘Arry is not a fan of pop music so he’s never heard of Fleur East. Thankfully, Fleur is French for “flower” and ‘Arry has always been keen on taking a punt on foreign talent he has little to no knowledge of. He would definitely sign her up, if only for a short-term loan.

Rita Simons – Actor

A star of Eastenders and a bit of a geezer, like ‘Arry. Her TV appearances mean that he has definitely seen Rita before. A fellow Cockney, she would be signed up without even a trial, either as a player or an assistant.

Anne Hegerty – Chaser from The Chase

Harry loves experience – as evidenced by his signings of Brad Friedel and Ryan Nelsen while Spurs manager – and Anne has experience in spades. Her role of ‘Chaser‘ also suggests that she’d be skilled at chasing a game – a position ‘Arry’s teams often find themselves in.

Emily Atack – Charlotte from The Inbetweeners

First signing, record fee, nailed on. With a name like Atack, Emily is going straight into the forward line. Nominative determinism and all that. Her appearances on hit show The Inbetweeners would also make ‘Arry think that she’s adept at finding space between defenders, regardless of whether that’s actually the case.