'I pooed myself on my date's floor - he kicked it thinking it was mud'
And you think you've got a bad dating story...
A woman has told the story of how she pooed on her date's floor by accident, only for him to then kick it out the way thinking it was mud, - and things got even worse the next day.
TikTok user Ken said she had been feeling sick but decided to go round to the house of a man she was seeing, despite her obvious upset stomach.
She explained: "On Friday, I threw up four times. I was super sick. Didn’t feel good. And this guy kept asking me to come over and I was like: ‘No, I don’t really feel good.’ He was like: ‘No, come over, I’ll make you soup.’
"So, yesterday I make the trip to his home. I do not feel good and I tell him that."
After eating the soup her date made for her, Ken said her stomach felt weak.
She continued: "I’m like squatting on his floor, I’m over a bucket, and I fart.
"So I’m like: ‘Oh my god I nearly just s*** myself, I’m going to go to the bathroom.’ And I come back, and he kicks something on the floor thinking it’s mud. That’s what he said.
"We all know where this story is going. It wasn’t mud. I straight up sharted on his floor."
Still with us? Good, because the story doesn't end there either.
After cleaning the mess up "like a true gentleman," the pair went to bed.
The next morning, she said she felt "on top of the world" - until they started play fighting and the man hit her stomach.
She said: "I’m sitting on his bed, we’re laughing, horsing around before I leave, and he hits me.
"I kind of tooted when he hit me. And I would love to tell you that this was just a little innocent toot.
"I full blown s*** myself. And when I say s*** myself, I mean all through my pyjamas, all down my leg, all over this man’s bed, on his wall.
"I shouldn’t be laughing about it. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to recover from it."
If you want to hear the tale in all its glory then you can watch the TikTok below.
@ken.eurichHappy Monday♬ original sound - Ken Eurich
The story has (perhaps unsurprisingly) racked up 2.1 million views, with thousands of horrified people in the comments.
"THE WAY IT JUST KEPT GETTING WORSE" said one commenter,
Another wrote: "I would disappear without a trace if this happened to me."
A third asked: "How did you still stay over after sharting on the floor"
Ken said that the embarrassing experience hasn’t ruined her relationship with her date and he even called her to tell her not to stress out about any of it.
"You have to marry that man", advised one viewer.
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