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03rd Oct 2016

19 things you thought were fucking cool as a teenager but definitely aren’t now

If you're still wearing your Livestrong wristband, it's probably time to put it away...

Alex Finnis

1. Wearing jeans so baggy you always trod on the backs of them:

Screen Shot 2016-10-03 at 11.38.24

Photo: aliexpress.com

The more pockets and embroidered flames, the better. As a teenager, if the backs of your jeans weren’t ripped to shreds because of constantly treading on them as you walked around, you weren’t doing it right. It was not a good look.

 

2. And attaching a really heavy wallet chain to them (which wasn’t actually hooked to your wallet):

Men_Silver_Metal_Long_Wallet_Chains_KeyChain_Strong_Big_Chunky_Double_Ring_Jeans_2

Photo: alwaysstyle4you.com

This had the added bonus of pulling your jeans even further down the backs of your legs, because whats the point of wearing pants if they aren’t on display at all times, right?

 

3. Snorting sherbet during lunch break at school:

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Photo: mephim.net

We do some fucking stupid shit when we’re kids, don’t we?

 

4. Gelling the front of your hair up into a crusty, spiky quiff:

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Photo: Bwark Productions

Doing this now would make you look like a right bus wanker.

 

5. Wasting hours of your life playing flash games on the computer:

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Photo: beatcanvas.com

Remember Slime Football? What a way to spend your school lunch breaks. These days we prefer to waste hours of our lives playing only slightly more advanced games on our phones instead.

 

6. Rocking big, baggy flame shirts and feeling like a badass:

l_stcn0702

Photo: bundynats.com

Put one of these on for a job interview and see what happens. Go on.

 

7. Constantly copying that “wassup” Budweiser ad:

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Photo: Budweiser

“Wasssssssssup??!”

You know what’s up? The year 2000, and it wants its joke back.

 

8. Zipping around on a Razor scooter:

Razor_old_a

Photo: Wikipedia

You look like a twat when you do this as an adult. I know, because for some reason, I keep seeing people fucking doing it.

 

9. Planking on pretty much anything you could find:

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Photo: planking.me

People say teenagers now are ridiculous but it’s not like we were much better, was it?

 

10. Using “long-sleeved shirt under short-sleeved shirt” as your default look:

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Photo: CBS

The fact that it’s now Sheldon’s go-to look on The Big Bang Theory pretty much says it all, doesn’t it?

 

11. Calling the Red Hot Chili Peppers your favourite band:

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Photo: Amazon

Yeah, so they were pretty fucking great back in the By The Way and Californication days, but if they’re still your favourite band now it’s probably best keeping quiet tbh…

 

12. Covering your arm with rubber charity wristbands like “Livestrong” and “Stand Up, Speak Up”:

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Photo: eBay

Everyone *definitely really cared about the causes* and didn’t at all just want the wristbands because they looked cool. Nope. Not one bit.

 

13. Wearing your big-buckled skate brand belt so the bit at the end hung down from your jeans:

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Photo: skateparkoftampa.com

You know what I mean. Probably wouldn’t look great with your work suit, though.

 

14. Letting it rip with your Beyblades:

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Photo: YouTube

Remember how much it fucking hurt when they smashed into your fingers?

 

15. Owning no shorts that weren’t three-quarter lengths:

Screen Shot 2016-10-03 at 12.14.04

Photo: truefacefashion.wordpress.com

Denim three-quarter lengths with 17 pockets, tassels, a big brand logo written in graffiti font across the arse and far too many seams = the height of fashion for any 14-year-old kid.

 

16. Encasing your feet in Michelin Man-sized skate shoes:

Globe Sabre Black-Grey-Choco 2

globeskateshoes.blogspot.com

Look at the fucking size of these bastards.

 

17. Spraying yourself with way too much Lynx in the school changing rooms after PE:

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Photo: Twitter: @MattyTrimble

Just so you all know, too much Lynx is literally any amount of Lynx.

 

18. Using this sign as a hilarious excuse to punch your friends:

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Photo: Wikipedia

Funny when you’re 15, not so much when you’re 25.

 

19. Being totally fucking hilarious by wearing ironic t-shirts like this one:

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Photo: teeshop.com

These were never cool, but that didn’t stop far too many people from wearing them. The ’00s really were a dark time for fashion…