Britain’s choice of favourite pizza topping sums up everything wrong with this country

"People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis. You can't trust people."

I'm thinking about getting this Super Hans quote tattooed on my forehead, because the way the British public is revealing itself through polling, it will eventually be the only logical response to any kind of question regarding the good people the United Kingdom. The latest embarrassing revelation about the tastes of Britons revolves around pizza toppings. They've been in the news a lot recently, with the President of Iceland saying he'd like to ban pineapple from pizza, then the monstrous revelations that some people put peas and mayonnaise on theirs. To compound matters, some degenerates even dunk pizza in milk. https://twitter.com/myIoveiscooI/status/833829086761988098 Off the back of that, YouGov have gone and done a survey to find out how Brits feel about pineapple, pizza, and pineapple on pizza. According to the survey, 82% of Brits like pineapple, 84% of Brits like pizza, and 53% of Brits like pineapple on pizza. Pizza: good. Pineapple: good. Pizza and pineapple: okay. Shocking. Revelations. But put your cheering/disgust to one side for a moment, because the poll also revealed that Britain's most-liked pizza topping is mushrooms. Yep, according to Brits, mushrooms are more popular than pepperoni, beef, chillies, jalapeños, ham, peppers, chicken, olives. It's amazing to think that mushrooms are a whole 9% more popular than pepperoni, the perennial pizza topping. It's even more amazing to think that pepperoni isn't even the second favourite - that honour goes to onions with 62%. Now to be clear, this isn't to say that Britain's favourite pizza is a plain mushroom pizza; if that were the case we really would have to kick everyone out and shut up shop. Those surveyed were invited to choose as many toppings as they liked, meaning that mushrooms were chosen in tandem with other items.

Photo: Public Domain Pictures

But nevertheless, mushroom came out on top as Britain's most-liked topping. So let's talk about mushrooms. Mushrooms are the Vauxhall Cavalier of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the Carpet Warehouse of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the Simply Red of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the Clarks of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the plain digestive biscuit of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the great-uncle at a wedding of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the warm Carlsberg of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the late-period Morrissey of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the 3pm on a Tuesday of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the Butlin's of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the motorway services of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the Lambert & Butler of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the Fifth Gear of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the Lynx Africa of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the pebbledash walls of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the Stephen Mulhern of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the pub carpet of pizza toppings. Mushrooms are the wet park bench of pizza toppings. It's no wonder they're Britain's favourite pizza topping.