Episode 10.
20th February 2018 will forever be known as the day that the person doing Survival of the Fittest‘s subtitles had an absolute mare.
Also, it was the day that we questioned what has happened to the art of journalism
Last night’s Survival of the Fittest was another usual mix of moaning, awkward flirting and desperately trying to be Love Island without actually being within an ass’s roar of Love Island.
Here’s five uncomfortable moments that are worth revisiting, if you like self-flagellation.
1. The person doing the subtitles was having an absolute mare
Look, we’ve all been there. You went out on a Tuesday night, it was only meant to be a few quiet drinks with your friends from Uni, but things escalated. Jessica had some good news that demanded celebrating and you’re the kind of person that can easily function on a few hours sleep anyway. Plus you had that big pint of water before bed, everything will be fine. Flash forward two hours later and your alarm’s bellowing out, so you snooze it. You eventually arrive into work a cool two hours late, reeking of alcohol and cigarettes, but determined to do the bare minimum until 6pm comes. That is what has happened to the caption writer.
2. Tristan puts suncream in between his fingers
I’m all in favour of a good even suntan lotion coverage, but I struggle to see the necessity to apply it in between your fingers. In a normal resting position, your fingers are close together, meaning the gaps in between them are rarely exposed to the elements. Does this mean that Tristan’s fingers’ natural resting position is spread out like a starfish? What a strange little boy. Either that, or he’s overly liberal with his suncream usage. Or, entertain this concept, maybe this show is so uneventful that the only remarkable thing that happened last night was a very thorough suntan lotion application. We are ten days in.
3. Callum, despite having had it explained to him several times, still doesn’t know what a weave is
Callum has been dating Mariam for well over a week now, they’ve spent a lot of time together and had, at a guess, over four conversations by this point. One such conversation took place several days ago, where Mariam explained to Callum that she wears a weave. After a thorough description of what that entails, Callum still doesn’t know what a weave is. On last night’s show, Mariam needed some alone time to readjust her hair, meaning Callum had to be kept in the dark. When she came clean afterwards, Callum again informed us that he doesn’t know what a weave is. FFS Callum. It’s hair.
4. A new Pope was elected
Yes, I have made this joke several times this series and I will continue to do so until they come up with a better means of letting us know which team has won the task. Last night on Survival of the Fittest, they elected a new Pope. It’s unknown whether The Vatican had authorised this act, and Pope Francis is still very much the Pope at present, but regardless, they elected a new one. That puff of red smoke means that the Pope is likely to be Po from the Teletubbies and I’d like to be the first person to extend my congratulations to the childhood television favourite. Long may he reign as our supreme overlord.
5. LOL there’s a Survival of the Fittest app
Full disclosure, I’m not really in a position to make fun of anyone that downloads this app because I downloaded the Love Island app for exclusive content, but I’ll press on regardless. Fair enough you need the Survival of the Fittest app to vote to save your favourites, but truly, who among us has ever voted on a reality show? Not I. I don’t care if it’s free and will only take up a few MB of space, I simply will not do it. If you’re so invested in this mediocre show that you would download the app and cast legitimate votes, I worry for you. Please go outside. Smell the flowers in your garden. Have a cigarette. Try recreational drugs.
Images via ITV
