UEFA vows to hit PSG with “very strong talking to” if they break FFP rules

"Enough is enough."

These were the words of furious UEFA officials who today vowed to hit Paris Saint-Germain with a "very strong talking to" if the French club continue to breach the rules of Financial Fair Play. PSG have come under the spotlight of European football's governing in recent weeks after the high-profile loan of France and former Monaco sensation Kylian Mbappe followed the world record signing of Neymar from Barcelona. While the Parisian side's board insist that they have obeyed the rules - which regard transfer spending in relation to revenue - many at UEFA believe the club are attempting to bypass the rules, which were brought in with the intention of preventing financial inequality among teams. Both Besiktas and Bursaspor have previously been punished for their failure to comply with FFP regulations, and speaking today a UEFA official said that they would not hesitate to lay down the law to the Ligue 1 club if they continue to spend frivolously.

"We're not gonna take it anymore"

"Time and time again, the hierarchy of Paris Saint-Germain have shown an utter disregard for FFP rules and regulations established by UEFA to safeguard the integrity of our game. Spending in football has long been out of control and we must take the strictest actions possible to ensure it does not continue," said the official, adding that the French champions will face grave consequences should they fail to acquiesce to the rules. "We're not gonna take it anymore. If they keep this up we'll have no choice but to kindly as them stop. Should that fail to halt their misguided and arrogant spending, we shall ask them again. If that doesn't work we'll refer to them using their entire name - even their middle name - the way your mother does when she's really angry with you. That is how serious we are about this." At press time, PSG had reportedly responded to UEFA's threat by sending more than €2 million worth of half burned notes accompanied by a note saying "lol" to the organisation's Nyon headquarters.

The events, characters and sporting organisations depicted in this article are fictitious, except where they're not. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Or very much on purpose. Our legal department would like us to stress it's just for lols, innit.