How the Daily Mail might respond to the Tory Election manifesto 5 years ago

How the Daily Mail might respond to the Tory Election manifesto

It's time to get serious.

After the Labour manifesto was leaked, we wondered what the Tory manifesto would be like, but all we had to do to find out was read the Daily Mail.

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⚠️⚠️⚠️ Warning: reading the Daily Mail can cause headaches, lack of brain cells and irrational anger.

  1. Privatisation. Because why do it yourselves in the interests of society when a company can do it in the interest of profit?

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2. The regions. There will be wholesale change north of the wall. Not quite independence, but better.

 

3. Fox hunting. Because everyone needs a blood sport to get them through these difficult times.

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4. Europe. The intricacies of disentanglement from Europe are lost on many so we need a more literal sign of our disregard for Johnny Foreigner.

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5. Taking back our country. No more foreign products or produce. Hell, no more foreign TV shows either (except for Mrs Brown's Boys).