‘We don’t touch in front of the kids – we need to make sure it’s not confusing’
Parents who divorced after seven years of marriage still holiday together with their kids and text all day – they’re just not intimate anymore.
Kodye Elyse, 35, and her former partner, Brian, 38, split in August 2018 after their marriage “turned into roommates”.
The pair have two daughters – aged eight and 10 – and a six-year-old son and were both dedicated to giving their children an “easy transition” following their split so stayed very much involved in each other’s lives.
Kodye said it took her and Brian, a national sales director, time to gain their “respect” back for each other, but they are now “close” and spend Christmas, birthdays and family holidays together.
They take day trips as a family such as going to the ‘pumpkin patch’ and have dinner together.
The parents live separately but have an “open policy” at each other’s homes – but say they would always give each other a text to say they were coming over.
Kodye and Brian still set boundaries – such as not sleeping over at each other’s house unless in an emergency – and are both not currently dating.
The mum-of-three still wants her ex to find someone new and says the “right person will fit into our family”.
Kodye, a content creator, from Los Angeles, California, said the pair are “both focused on raising our kids” and their friendship is the “number one thing in their lives” and comes before dating.
“Vacations are core memories for our kids, so we want to be there together with them.
“We get an Airbnb so we can have separate rooms.
“We have an open-door policy – he’s always welcome here.
“But I don’t just hang out with him – I hang out with him and the kids.”
Kodye said people online think “we must still be hooking up”, but that’s not the case.
“People don’t believe men and women can just be friends,” she said.
“None of that is true – we’re just good friends.”
Kodye and Brian hit it off when they met in 2006 and tied the knot in June 2011 before starting a family.
But the couple grew apart and decided to split in August 2018.
Kodye said they experienced a “lot of common young couple issues”.
“You turn into a different person. We turned into roommates,” she explained.
The couple made ground rules straight away after separating.
Kodye said: “We said no introducing other partners to kids before partner – and not until you’ve been seeing a long time.
“No talking badly about the other in front of the kids and no fighting in front of them.
“We wanted the kids to have an easy transition.”
Kodye said her and Brian have been “slowly progressing” their co-parenting but both felt it was important the kids get to still go on their annual holiday.
She said: “We never saw why the kids should miss out on that just because we are not married. We go to the mountains and to the beach in the summer.”
They have an “open policy” at each other’s houses but say they don’t just “hang out” without the kids.
Kodye said: “We have our individual lives.”
The couple have a flexible custody schedule – meaning they let their kids have a say if they wish to change the structure in place.
Kodye said: “Maybe one of the kids wants a little space from their siblings and wants to come back to me.
“We let them know they have some say in their own lives as well.”
They spend Christmas morning together as a family.
“We do things together an individually,” Kodye said.
“Christmas morning Brian will be over when the kids wake up and we do presents together. After, we alternate and sometimes the kids will go with Brian and his family or with me and mine.
“We’re still divorced. I don’t look at Brian and see the same person he was when we were married.”
Although they now have a great friendship, Kodye and Brian had to work hard at it.
“The biggest thing is respect that was the hardest thing to build up because you lose it through divorcem” Kodye said.
“I don’t know a person that hasn’t. Now we function as friends – we text all the time. But we don’t touch in front of the kids – we need to make sure it’s not confusing for the kids.”
The couple are not dating other people currently, but each have hope the other will find love again.
Kodye said: “The right person will fit into our family. I want him to find somebody, and I want him to be happy. He wouldn’t choose someone who comprised our situation.
“If he had a partner, I wouldn’t bug him all day like I do now.”
Kodye says their co-parenting works because they are “dedicated to raising our kids”.
She said: “If my kids are happy, I’m happy. “Nothing about our house is broken.”
Brian said: “Kodye and I have always prioritised our children and made sure that they see us functioning as mature adults both to each other, and as parents within a family unit.
“We don’t feel that our kids should need to stop making memories as a family even though we made the decision to divorce.”
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