'My small penis destroyed any hope of falling in love and having a family'

'My small penis destroyed any hope of falling in love and having a family'

4 months ago

Men share their small penis horror stories

It's not about size, it's how you use it, so the saying goes.

At the end of last year, the aptly titled Small Dong March put the spotlight back on the "stigma" surrounding being small. Organised by YouTube stars, Chad and JT, the event drew crowds out onto the streets of Los Angeles to show solidarity for those with small appendages. “All dongs are created equal!” one participant’s sign exclaimed.

According to the NHS, average penis length is about 9cm when not erect - "but it's normal for them to be shorter or longer than this." As for big feet, well, it seems there is no link between shoe size and penis size  - a study by University College London and The British Journal of Urology found that to be pure fantasy.

But just how small is small? A study published by the BJU back in 1996 suggests that only men whose dicks measure less than 4cm, or 7.5cm when erect, should be eligible for "penile lengthening".

But the NHS warns that penis enlargement treatments are "mostly ineffective, expensive and potentially harmful." And while many guys worry they're small, "research shows that most men's penises are normal and they needn't be concerned."

So, does having a smaller manhood make you feel like less of a man? “There are mental health implications some men experience from having a smaller penis,” says Steve Robertson, Professor of Men, Gender and Health at Leeds Beckett University. “When faced with difficult situations, men tend to withdraw rather than open up. This can lead to feelings of isolation."

JOE asked four brave men to unzip and tell us about life with less length.

“There was a rumour going around that I was tiny”
Jake, 28

Credit: Richard A Chance 

“A couple of times when getting close with a woman she'd feel me through my clothes, make an excuse to leave, then never talk to me again. The worst was when I heard through a mutual friend there was a rumour going around their workplace that I was tiny. I know I shouldn't let things like that bother me, but it hurts. 

"The most embarrassing experience was my first time. I was silly enough to think any condoms would be fine. You hear how one size fits all but it turns out that's not true. Realising there was no way it was going to stay on was humiliating. I just wanted to run away and hide. I’ve never felt so worthless. She gave me the most disappointed look and we didn't have sex or see each other again.

“I'm not really in the game anymore as I've realised I'm not made for sex or relationships. I have to order condoms online (myone is the website) and it always feels pretty sad.

“For me, being small destroyed any hope of finding someone, falling in love, or having a family. It feels like there's no way to ever fix it, I just got unlucky.”

"The first time she saw my penis, her reaction was: 'Is that it?'"
Sam, 33

Credit: Richard Chance for JOE

“I dated my ex for five years and the first time she saw my penis, her reaction was: 'Is that it?'"

“We lost our virginity to each other but the relationship turned toxic and we broke up. I moved cities and got on Tinder. I felt no one would ever like me because I was fat and had a small penis.

“What I did have was humour and honesty. I started hooking up with women and despite being small, put in the effort. But I still wasn't confident about my sexual ability until I met this one girl. She had slept with more than 50 men so I was unsure, but she said she liked it. That gave me a confidence boost.

“For me, the biggest turn-on is giving a woman pleasure. Once a woman is satisfied, I like to take over, be dominant and be like, ‘that was only part of the show.’

“My advice to guys with smaller penises is don't be afraid to use toys, fingers, and tongue. The feeling of making a woman orgasm is the best.”

“Women feel ok making small penis jokes around me because I'm Black”
Jim, 28

“Most of the experiences I've had in regards to my penis size have contained a racial component. As a Black man, I often feel that the expectation is for me to have a huge penis. I didn't think much about my penis size or begin to have issues with it until my ex informed me that I was below average. She also described her previous partner as being huge.

“Her ex and I are both Black. I remember she and I hanging out with friends and one of them mentioning the 'BBC' stereotype. My ex said not all Black men have big dicks, but not in a tone that was meant to explain how complex the Black male experience is. Instead, it sounded to me like she was disappointed.

“Women often feel comfortable making small penis jokes around me because of my race. They assume I won't take issue because I'm a Black man and it won't be something I personally deal with.

“Black men are dehumanised in a myriad of ways in this world and this often includes reducing us to our genitalia. My experience reveals not only that positive stereotypes are still harmful but also that if you don't fit into that stereotype you have even less value than your counterparts who possess the mythical big appendage."

“I'm more nervous about whipping it out in front of the lads”
Tom, 32

Small penis
Credit: Richard A Chance

“I'm 32, fairly good looking, and popular with women. I've slept with over 20 people and only ever had one complaint. I've never had any problems with girls, in fact, my small penis actually helps me get shags.

“Basically, I know how to make a girl orgasm. I probably put more effort into the girl than what a guy with a big schlong would.

“I knew I was small as a teenager, and I had a choice to make. Either get on with it or be a virgin forever. I learned that in terms of pleasing girls, it's nothing to do with being small. By the time you have built some tension, made her laugh, made her feel good about herself, gone down on her, and made her orgasm, she is having a good time anyway. I figured if girls don’t care then why should I?

“I have a good dick, it's just inches! I never doubt I'm a good lover. To be honest most of my challenges have been shower room related. I'm more nervous about whipping it out in front of the lads, that's something I've just had to get used to.

“My girlfriend is having a baby in a few months and I have never been so relieved to find out it's a girl. The guilt of having a son and passing my ‘issues’ on to him would have been hard to live with.”

*Names have been changed to protect anonymity.

If you’re in need of advice on this issue, or any other mental health-related issue, speak to CALM. If you don’t feel comfortable with a call, begin a webchat and get help in the way that suits you. 

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