Day 16
Yes. Very much so, if you can even believe it. Trust me. I’m A Celeb 2018 is still going.
Last night’s show saw Rita and James obliterate the Bushtucker trial, Fleur and Sair smash the Dingo Dollar challenge and Emily and Harry beat the living daylights out of a bonus task that secured some treats for camp.
With Malique’s departure from the show, there was a noticeable loss in camp. It was quieter, even more lifeless than usual. But that was swiftly filled when John Barrowman returned with a personalised cane for his sprained ankle. As the old saying goes, when God removes a Hollyoaks actor due to the public vote, he replaces him with an injured Barrowman.
It was a good instalment of I’m A Celeb. Some funny things happened.
Here’s six moments worth revisiting.
1. Harry was absolutely savage about the camp’s performative grief over Malique leaving
While everyone was pretending to be devastated by the removal of Malique from the jungle, Harry Redknapp was the only one on hand to offer some much-needed perspective. Safe in the confines of the diary room, Harry said “He’s only going over the bridge. He’s not gone away doing a 25-year stretch for being a great train robber or something”, at the exact moment James was getting introspective by the campfire, saying “It feels empty”. Finally, a bit of logic was brought into the jungle. Harry is right. Malique won’t have given them a second thought since he’s left. He’s probably knee-deep in gravy right now, on the verge of puking again after gorging himself on every delicacy Australia has to offer. Weep not for those that won’t weep for you, etc.
2. RITA IS A BIG FAT CHEATER AND DEC HELPED HER
During last night’s show, Rita and James took on the Bushtucker trial which involved a series of trivia questions and tonguing stars off screws. Rita’s job was to answer the movie-themed questions as James tongued the stars, however Rita very quickly realised that Dec was going to be a soft touch and then looked to him for guidance. She’d begin to answer a question, then Dec would either nod or shake his head to advise her. It’s a farce. The whole I’m A Celeb franchise is a bust. They’re not taking it seriously. There are cheaters in the jungle and they are being helped in their quest not to starve to death. We must let them die in the name of honesty, it’s the only way.
3. John Barrowman returned to the jungle with a newfound appreciation for the smell of wood
Fresh from the accident and emergency department of the jungle’s nearest hospital, John Barrowman received a hero’s welcome with his new boot and walking stick. He was most excited about the custom-made stick, which prompted him to announce that he loves the smell of wood, then took a deep inhalation of the walking stick with an intensity that he didn’t seem to recognise in himself. It’s likely that John received some painkillers while he was out of the jungle, possibly even a warm meal. He has lost his mind and will take quite some time to reintegrate himself with the rest of the campmates. Chap just really seems to love the smell of wood though, crikey. Get it.
4. Fleur East came onto Kiosk Kev and he had the audacity to refuse her advances
After learning that the campmates would be getting an entire cupcake each as as result of winning the Dingo Dollar Challenge, Sair and Fleur were beside themselves with elation and weren’t thinking clearly. They were blinded by the inevitable sugar rush that would hit them once they reached camp with their treats. Before they departed for home, Fleur came onto Kiosk Kev. Nothing too hectic, just a suggestive lick of her finger and an aggressive point, but it wasn’t enough to shake his professional poker face. Keith stood stony-faced and ignored Fleur’s advances. The man is a buffoon, he may never get this kind of opportunity again. May he rot in I’m A Celeb hell, frankly.
5. 16 days in and it finally happened – the campmates began to eat each other
It was always going to come to this. People can’t survive without nourishment. They become desperate and contemplate cannibalism. Usually it takes a little longer than 16 days, but these celebrities aren’t your average bunch. As soon as Fleur returned from the Dingo Dollar Challenge, it took mere moments before the campmates enquired as to what she was covered in. Once it was revealed that it was indeed treacle covering her body, the celebrities got to work on consuming every last drop of the forbidden nectar. Fleur seemed to enjoy the experience, but the campmates’ eyes turned completely white. They descended into a trance-like state, methodically working their way around Fleur’s torso, taking skin and bone with every mouthful. Brilliant television is I’m A Celeb, tbh.
6. Harry Redknapp lined up a pretty sweet gig for himself when he leaves the jungle
Like a duck to water, Harry Redknapp slipped on the portable sales unit and adapted the pose of a professional. He had popcorn, ice cream and fizzy drinks on offer for the other campmates and showed great restraint in stopping himself from asking them to pay with whatever monetary values they had to hand. Harry Redknapp is 71 years old now. Opportunities just don’t come knocking now like they used to. He’s a smart guy, he knows that it’s make or break once he leaves the jungle. This stunt was a blatant ploy to secure future employment. Harry will be filling the tummies of Etihad Stadium’s patrons before the new year is upon us. This serves as a valuable lesson that change is possible, but no large notes are accepted by the vendors.
Images via ITV
