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27th Apr 2015

Hologram Stephen Hawking reassures One Directioners that Zayn may not have left the band in parallel universe

Multiple directions...

Nooruddean Choudry

Sorry to use that tired old headline again, but it’s true – legendary physicist Stephen Hawking has used multiverse theory to console One Direction fans about Zayn Malik leaving…

I say Stephen Hawking, it was actually a 3D hologram of him, speaking to an audience in Sydney from his physical location in Cambridge. Because of course it was.

Anywho, someone posed the question: “What do you think is the cosmological effect of Zayn leaving One Direction and consequently breaking the hearts of millions of teenage girls across the world?”

Professor Hawking’s response was both wonderfully theory-based and brain-achingly abstract:

“My advice to any heartbroken young girl is to pay close attention to the study of theoretical physics. Because one day there may well be proof of multiple universes.

“It would not be beyond the realms of possibility that somewhere outside of our own universe lies another different universe. And in that universe, Zayn is still in One Direction.”

But of course. It’s obvious when you think about it…