Buff Sonic is not something we need
Ok, so there is a Sonic The Hedgehog movie coming soon. But not an animated movie, like you might think. Not a version of Kung Fu Panda or Madagascar, but with Knuckles and Tails. That makes too much sense. No, instead, we are getting a live action Sonic movie. Yes, really.
How is that going to work? A CGI character in a real world? A puppet? Kevin Hart in blue make-up? The very first ‘motion-poster’ for the film has just dropped, and while his face is still hidden, there is a lot to take in.
First up: Sonic the cartoon hedgehog now has very realistic looking arms and legs and torso. Sonic is supposed to be a chubby little hedgehog. Now he looks like Donald Glover in the ‘This Is America’ video. He’s sinewy like a welterweight MMA fighter. Crossfit Sonic. Shirtless selfies on Tinder Sonic, ready to strut around the Love Island villa in his pants.
This is definitely a Sonic who fucks.
Second: He has fur on his spikes. Right, ok, I get that this is not a realistic movie, but hedgehogs do not have fur on his spikes.
“That was always Stage 1 of adapting it to what the real world is and what a real animal would be like,” executive producer Tim Miller told IGN. “It would be weird and it would feel like he was running around nude if he was some sort of otter-like thing. It was always, for us, fur, and we never considered anything different.”
Great, now I’m just thinking of nude Sonic.
And finally: He has shit trainers. Ok, Sonic has always had big red clumpy things, but in a world where Spider-Man wears Jordans, he should be wearing Yeezys or something.
Sonic The Hedgehog is in UK cinemas Boxing Day, 2019. Jim Carrey is playing Dr Robotnik, and I refuse to believe this is a real thing.