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21st Mar 2018

WATCH: Man in jean shorts takes the most ingenious penalty you will ever see

A minute's silence in memory of the goalkeeper, please.

Kyle Picknell

Scenes. Absolute scenes.

We have all tried an audacious penalty in our time that inevitably goes horribly wrong: the unnecessary penanka that floats straight into the keeper’s arms, the no-look side foot into the top corner that always ends up trickling along the floor, maybe you’ve even tried the stutter-step and fallen flat on your nose before you’ve even reached the ball.

Well, now we will no longer have to try all that, we can attempt this piece of performance art instead. A man in a baseball cap, black jean shorts, and trainers, has outdone the world, outdone us all, outdone even Andrea Pirlo and Francesco Totti.

Watch as he shows the poetic grace of a ballerina, the unerring agility of a jaguar in the Amazon and the deceiving nonchalance of someone desperately trying to run for a bus but doesn’t want anyone to know that they are in fact running for a bus.

He sold you didn’t he? He sold us all. The man who sold the world. Whilst wearing black jean shorts.