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08th Oct 2016

England have scored against Malta so anything other than World Cup glory would be failure

Best team in the world.

Tom Victor

The glorious Gareth Southgate era is off to a glorious start with a glorious goal from Daniel Glorious Sturridge, and all of our problems are gone.

England have all but guaranteed World Cup success after opening the scoring against Malta, the 176th best team in the world, with a goal straight out of the middle drawer.

It was a goal made in Liverpool, with Sturridge heading home a Jordan Henderson cross from around the penalty spot. Should goalkeeper Andrew Hogg have been better placed to save it? Perhaps, but we don’t like dwelling on goalkeepers’ performances when it’s not one of our own so let’s just move on.

Fans responded in balanced fashion, asking all the most important questions.

Luckily, the answers were instantly forthcoming.

We think.

Anyway, there are far more important things to be worried about, as people soon noted.

Dele Alli added a second for England soon after, poking home at the second attempt after Malta decided defending was a bit overrated.

And that really emphasised England’s quality and dominance over a footballing heavyweight team whose record scorer almost managed one goal every five games for Coventry City.

Honestly, how can we *not* win the World Cup after this?

Especially with captain fantastic Wayne Rooney spreading passes right and left.