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31st Jul 2018

Someone phoned 999 after discovering mushrooms on their pizza

The recording of the phone call has been released by Essex police.

Kyle Picknell

As bad and as slimy as mushrooms are, this is not a valuable use of the emergency services’ time

A recording of a 999 call to Essex police has been released in which a woman phones up the emergency services to complain about her pizza being delivered with mushrooms on.

As is eventually established in the call, the woman in question is not particularly fond of mushrooms. In fact, she is allergic. Which, obviously, isn’t good and definitely not ideal when your aim is to order a pizza free of mushrooms, but also: don’t fucking phone up the police about it. Christ.

The call begins with the operator asking “We received a 999 call from this number, is everything ok?”

The woman then responds: “Yeah, no, I’ve basically been mugged off by a fucking takeaway, would you believe it?”

Before continuing: “I rang up for a number 18, a number 18, a meat feast, but she trying to tell me ‘nah nah you ordered a number eight’, I’m allergic to mushrooms so I know for a fact that I did not order a number eight.

“So I am sitting here with a pizza with fucking mushrooms on that I can’t eat. £11.99 later and she [the pizza shop manager] will not help me.”

The operator responds: “Ok, ok, what can Essex Police do you for you though?”

The caller admits “I don’t even know, I don’t even know, I just want my money back.”

After suggesting that the disgruntled woman phone up and make a formal complaint, the call ends with the emergency service operator telling her: “There’s nothing we can do with regards to the fact that a takeaway got your pizza order wrong.”

You can listen to the call in full, below, as you scrunch up your face tighter than a ball of paper:

Ordering pizza is important, please do take your time and ensure you make the correct order first time round. Also, no matter how bad it gets, even if they send you a Hawaiian you didn’t ask for us, please do not do this. Thank you.