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09th Jun 2017

Rupert Murdoch has apparently stormed out of a party in a huff over the General Election results

Poor old Rupert. Couldn't happen to a nicer fella...

Evan Fanning

Poor Rupert.

One shitty day in 2,711,585 is not bad going, but for everyone’s favourite press baron Mr Burns Rupert Murdoch the 2017 General Election doesn’t appear to be panning out as planned.

We still don’t know what will actually happen, but the exit polls which predicted a hung parliament shocked the country and put a dampener on little old Rupert’s evening, it would seem.

His newspapers have been as subtle as a steel-capped boot to the balls in their support for Theresa May and the Conservatives, but the breaking news shortly after polls closed that the Prime Minister’s gamble to hold an election had backfired displeased Rupert to the extent that he stormed out of The Times’ Election party.

Or at least that’s the version of events being pedalled by John ‘One Punch’ Prescott, who reckoned Rupert was pissed because Leveson II and Section 40, two separate bills that would place certain restrictions on his media companies (and his profit margin), may not be scrapped after all if the Tories failed to hold a majority.

Of course, there could have been any one of a number of reasons for Rupert to leave the party – he could have been on his way back to his cryogenic chamber to replenish, he may have just decided that, as a 474-year-old man, it was time to go home anyway. Maybe he just had to make his daily phone call to Donald Trump. Anything really.

So we shouldn’t rush to judgment, despite what John Prescott says.

And in the unlikely event that he’s reading this. Keep that chin up Rupert. I’m sure things will work out for you in the end.