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17th November 2017
05:17pm GMT
This writer remains friends with someone who once ripped plaster off a wall when he couldn't find any toilet paper, but what seemed completely acceptable in student accommodation is now punishable by penis-shrivelling lasers of hate.
No matter where in the house you keep the spare bog roll, never let it run out.
2) Sticking Twix wrappers down the side of the couch
The person responsible is absolutely never in the room when it's discovered, along with a 10c piece and a Refresher coated in couch dust.
3) Not separating the washing
These things are tough. To this day, who knows if a sky blue t-shirt can go into the same wash as a retro Dutch World Cup jersey?
Pic: toffs.com
4) Hanging the jeans on the wrong side of the clothes horse "What idiot hung the t-shirts closer to the radiator? Sure they'll dry in no time. For Jesus' sake. My mother was right about you!" Just wait for it to pass. This too will pass. 5) Not putting the DVDs back into their boxes There is NO excuse for it, and serves them right when they find Apocalypse Now in the middle of those Bones or Medium box-sets and there's no sign of the second disc in series three.
Pic: HomeTheatreHifi.com
6) Not steeping the Weetabix bowl Cement. It's like f**king cement. This is not news to anyone. Weetabix and porridge need to be taken care of immediately, if not sooner, or you'll find yourself back on Tinder before the last drop of the Fairy Liquid bottle has been squeezed out.
Pic: Veganoo.net
7) Loading the dishwasher the wrong way "Leave it! I have a system!" Fair enough so. 8) Leaving clothes on the spare bed Guilty. We could put the Superman Y-Fronts back in the drawer and the jeans with the disappearing crotch in the bin, but why do that when we can cover the spare bed in old clothes as a deterrent to anyone staying the night?
Pic: ExpatKath.com
9) Leave the hoovering for longer than a week See also: How long before you change the sheets on the bed? Rule of thumb: Ten days in the winter. A week in the summer. Does this make us disgusting? Who cares? We're happy. 10) Hoovering the toaster It's important. Trust us. We draw the line at hoovering the worktop though.
11) Teabags in the sink
Why would...? How could...? This is the ultimate relationship breaker-upper. We could never live our lives with someone who leaves soggy bags of leaves floating in a cereal bowl filled with Weetabix muck and lasagne coated forks.
Be gone!
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