"If like me, you've never been to a book reading before, I know what you're thinking: He's not gonna just sit there and read from a book is he? Well aye, yeah - that's exactly what I'm gonna do..."
We won't do the accent (because we can't), but that was the intro to Scottish comedian Brian Limond's reading of his 'Daft Wee Stories' at the Comedy Store in Manchester on Wednesday night.
It's not quite how the evening panned out but pretty much. The popular star of stage, screen and social media mostly sat in a cosy-looking leather armchair and read from his collection of short stories.
https://twitter.com/DaftLimmy/status/628930507896684544
If that sounds in any way dull and one-dimensional, nothing could be further from the truth - everyone left the brick arch of the Comedy Store feeling thoroughly entertained.
Limmy kicked off by getting a few impressions out of the way. The majority of the audience were clearly big fans of BBC Scotland's
Limmy's Show!, and welcomed the invitation to shout out requests of their favourite characters.
Limond duly obliged with good humour, zipping through much-loved creations such as Falconhoof, Raymond Day and Derek 'Dee Dee' Dury, like one of those sound effects key rings you get on holiday.
Then it was on to the readings. As much as it was great to see the comic do some of his TV best bits, this was the highlight - a collection of brilliant stories expertly delivered.
https://twitter.com/DaftLimmy/status/629012015605022720
The best way to describe the experience is that it was like a slightly sinister, amusing version of Jackanory. Limmy is a natural storyteller; warm and charming, but pleasingly creepy too.
His delivery - all sweetness and mock-sincerity - juxtaposed with the f*cked up and hilarious content of some of his tales is a bit like Morrissey singing about his comatose girlfriend over Johnny Marr's upbeat jangly guitar.
The temptation here is to give you a taste of the stories in the show. But we won't because a) we don't want to spoil the book for you, and b) we don't want to spoil the live show for you.
But just to say that 'The Size of Sally', 'Your Sh*te is My Sh*te' and 'Hazy Days of Summer' were bloody marvellous - you get the sense Limmy has found the perfect medium for his unique blend of pathos and puerility.
https://twitter.com/goodonlineman/status/629252789038882818
Story time is followed by a lengthy Q&A session. Limmy gives questions about depression and favourite biscuits the same consideration and status. He's honest and open without ever disappearing up his own arse.
Afterwards he sticks around to meet audience members - signing books, posing for pictures and even starring in Vines. It's all part of the #fansfirst4eva experience that he champions on Twitter.
Look out for our exclusive chat with Limmy coming soon.
You can buy the book here.
