Jersey Shore's The Situation sentenced to eight months in jail
Couldn't have happened to a more fundamentally awful human being
You remember Jersey Shore, don't you? It was the original Geordie Shore, but, and bare with me here, it featured Jerseys - as in, people from New Jersey - rather than Geordies, people who like kebabs and football and quadruple vodka Red Bulls.
Anyway, the star of that particular relic of reality show past was undoubtedly Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino, named as such after his own abs. By himself. Because he had abs. They were 'The Situation'. Yeah? Yeah. Self-appointed nicknames never quite work, do they?
The actual situation appears to be one involving hot water, however, as he has been sentenced with eight months in prison and two years under supervised release for tax evasion.
Sorrentino will also be required to serve 500 hours of community service and pay a fine of $10,000 in the next three days.
Which will all, no doubt, affect his upcoming plans of doing laundry, going to the gym, doing some more laundry, getting a haircut even though he really doesn't need a haircut, hitting the gym again, eating lots of protein for #gainz, doing his hair, before going clubbing in New Jersey and being extremely creepy to all women in the near vicinity.
The 36-year-old arrived at New Jersey court on Friday and was supported by his friends from the Jersey Shore series, including hench Italian-American man, hench Italian-American man number 2, hench Italian-American man number 3, Pooki or something, whatever her name is, Pooki number 2 and a grown woman who refers to herself as JWOWW.
Thankfully, after entering his plea The Situation was granted permission by the court to film the Jersey Shore reunion show, which involved travelling to Florida and Nevada for some more Brylcreem, meatball and bicep curl related hijinks.
At least we have that.
At least we have the Jersey Shore reunion show to look forward.
(Throw away the key please)
(Seriously, never let him out. Jersey Shore needs to stop. Forever. Eight months isn't long enough)