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11th Jul 2017

What jobs would Premier League managers have if they weren’t in football? (Part 3)

Jose Mourinho in his alternate life as a vicious investment banker

Wayne Farry

Football, a sport that many people consider a vocation for those who both play and manage within it.

What, though, would life look like outside of the game for these people? We’ve imagined just this reality to envisage how Premier League managers would be making their money if their lives had gone in different directions.

You can find parts one and two of this list here and here.

Pep Guardiola, Manchester City – High-end fashion designer

A complex man of myriad interests and hobbies outside of the game, Guardiola would have no doubt reached the epic heights of stardom in another industry had he not joined Barcelona’s youth team as a child, and would most likely have ended up as a high-end fashion designer.

Utilising the outside-of-the-box thinking he has used to great effect in football, Guardiola ‘s avant-garde designs would wow fashionistas in Milan, Paris, London and New York, making him the darling of the fashion world.

Eventually rising to the role of creative director of his own fashion house, Guardiola would later pioneer artificial intelligence clothing, which would alter its cuts and designs based on your inner-most thoughts.

Jose Mourinho, Manchester United – Investment banker

Ruthless, cutthroat and unerringly single-minded, Mourinho would have seamlessly fit into the world of high stakes finance in the late 1980s and 1990s.

Mourinho would likely have been so cruel that he would have gained a nickname like “The Bulldozer” or “The Reaper”, named for the lack of sympathy or emotion that goes into his heartless and vindictive decisions.

Nonetheless, Mourinho would have remained his firm’s highest earner, though question marks would always remain about rumours of insider trading and the deaths of colleagues who had attended parties at his beach house.

Rafa Benitez, Newcastle United – Owner of small chain of artisan bakeries

A simple man with simple pleasures, Rafa Benitez would likely have found himself making an honest living as an artisan baker in his native Spain.

Specialising in deliciously sweet treats, the quiet and humble Spaniard would eventually see his business evolve from one small location to several small locations dotted within a 50 kilometre area.

Despite his increasing wealth and growing reputation, he remains at home in the bakery with flour on his hands.

Mauricio Pellegrino, Southampton – Troubled detective

With dark, brooding eyes and a near-constant look of introspection on his face, new Southampton manager Mauricio Pellegrino has the distinct look of a man who would be a troubled detective in another world.

Exactly what would haunt Pellegrino in this life would remain a mystery, but many would speculate it has something to do with the photo of the woman and child he carries inside his wallet at all times.

Though clearly distracted during nearly every minute of the day, Pellegrino would summon the pain he feels daily to ensure murder victims of his city would get the justice that his loved ones (probably) didn’t get.

Mark Hughes, Stoke City – Owner of erotic film company

Hughes has the rough exterior and pragmatic yet creative mind of a man who would have pursued a career as the owner of an erotic film production company.

He would likely stay out of the spotlight for the majority of his career, only making occasional appearances at annual industry events with his significantly younger, actress girlfriend.

Later in his career, Hughes would potentially begin donating large quantities of money to conservative causes, before launching an unsuccessful bid to become a Tory MP.