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04th Jul 2017

What jobs would Premier League managers have if they weren’t in football? (Part 2)

Jurgen Klopp would have fulfilled his dream of performing in a Rammstein tribute band

Wayne Farry

The grind of football takes a specific sort of personality, meaning it’s often hard to picture managers in any other field of work.

Thankfully, imagination is in no short supply here so I have taken it upon myself to decipher exactly what kind of professions Premier League managers would find themselves in had they not found the world of football.

You can find parts one and three of this list here and here.

Frank de Boer, Crystal Palace – Shamed CEO of a Fortune 500 company

Appearances suggest de Boer is a straight-laced and above-board fella, however in an alternate life he would sadly have been involved in one of the most public and embarrassing falls from grace in corporate history.

Building up his software company alongside the childhood friend and business partner whom he would later stab in the back, de Boer’s firm would experience meteoric growth before eventually going public.

Despite starting out intending to make a difference in the world, de Boer would allow fame and fortune to get to his head, leaving him with an insatiable desire for more and eventually, behind bars.

After a number of public relations disasters, de Boer would end up being found guilty of embezzling funds to a number of shell companies in the Bahamas.

Eventually released from prison, he would go on to have a successful career as an author and motivational speaker.

Ronald Koeman, Everton – Butcher

With the wide set face of a man who knows his way around a slab of meat and the deathly pallor of someone who has spent their professional life in cooled rooms, Koeman would almost certainly have been a butcher in another life.

Learning the trade from his father Bertie “Beef Boy” Koeman, an initially reluctant Ronald would eventually grow up love the sinews, fibres and joints of every cut he saw.

He would show a flare for business too, revitalising his father’s ailing butcher shop with the addition of breakfast bundles including sausages, bacon and black pudding.

David Wagner, Huddersfield Town – IT worker turned co-owner of microbrewery

Always a fan of beer, Wagner’s love for organic ingredients and hatred of high-spending big business would lead him and a former colleague to leave their stable jobs as IT workers to start their own microbrewery.

Wagner and his business partner’s brewery would initially struggle due to a lack of brand recognition, but would eventually grow thanks to its ethos of doing things the right way.

Though not reaching the heights of the most successful independent breweries, Wagner’s decision to follow his heart and leave the shackles of the 9 to 5 would grant him lifelong satisfaction.

Craig Shakespeare, Leicester City – County council labourer

Freed from the commitment involved in a life of football, Shakespeare would have likely embarked on the road to a carefree life of a county council labourer.

Spending his days in a high-viz, standing on the side of the road staring into a manhole alongside five other colleagues, Shakespeare would wile away his days eating ham sandwiches and drinking tea, and be content doing so.

Jurgen Klopp, Liverpool – Front man in Rammstein tribute band

Unconcerned by management, Jurgen Klopp would have fulfilled his dream of being on stage as the front man of a Rammstein tribute band named the Gegen Press Lords.

Playing to sold out crowds at small and medium-sized metal festivals around Germany and Europe, Klopp would have been known for his signature move which involves grinding his teeth and berating those in the front of the crowd.

Despite his lack of singing ability, Klopp’s stage presence and wry sense of humour between songs would set his band apart from the hundreds of other Rammstein tribute acts.

He would headlines after making it through to the live shows on the German version of the X-Factor, before eventually being eliminated after a below average rendition of Meatloaf’s classic I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That).