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27th Apr 2017

Alexis Sanchez justifies wimpy behaviour with least graphic injury picture ever

CSFW (Completely Suitable For Work)

Mikey Stafford

Chileans are tough folk.

You don’t live in some of the driest deserts in the world, survive down mines interminably or win back-to-back Copa Americas unless you have a bit about you.

Alexis Sanchez has a bit about him. On an Arsenal team lacking any discernible backbone he is the closest thing to vertebrae they have.

The scrappy striker hates to lose and is always sure to flap his hands or argue with team-mates if he does not feel people are rowing in behind him  – a common enough occurrence at the Emirates these days.

If there is a player to like on this Arsenal team it is Alexis Sanchez. During Wednesday night’s win over Leicester Alexis Sanchez was hard to like.

With the Gunners leading 1-0 in injury time, Sanchez stands in front of Austrian catapult Christian Fuchs as he prepares to launch a long throw into the Arsenal box.

The Leicester full-back, with zero Fuchs given – the wacky internet sensation that he is – flings the ball at Sanchez’s face to earn another throw and, you know, get South American to back the fuck off.

After being struck, Sanchez counted to five and fell in the heap like he had just been gunned down from behind the grassy knoll.

It was all a little unedifying.

You may have thought Sanchez was faking an injury to waste time or trick the referee into handing over possession but last night the 28-year-old former Barcelona attacker took to Twitter to prove he had been the victim of a footballing assault.

First off, a warning to readers: This is in no way unsuitable for people of a sensitive nature.

This is the sort of cut that, if a toddler cried after receiving, you would tell them to jog on and act their age.

If you did it shaving you would not even reach for a sliver of toilet paper.

It is, in essence, a mere scratch.

It is not worth tweeting a picture of and it definitely does not require that giant novelty bag of ice that Sanchez is holding to his mouth.

In Sanchez’s mind it is a “swollen lip”.

His former team-mate Lionel Messi had a swollen lip on Sunday but scored two goals in El Clasico.

I wonder what size of ice pack he needed on that bad boy after winning El Clasico with the last kick of the game?