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08th Mar 2019

Theresa May warns MPs ‘we may never leave the EU’ if deal is rejected

Kyle Picknell

BrexitmeansBrexitmeansBrexitmeansBrexitmeansBrexitmeansBrexitmeansBrexitmeansBrexitmeansBrexitmeansBrexitStrongandStable

I don’t know if anyone is aware of this – I’m honestly not sure if anyone is – but Theresa May would really, really like for all the MPs to vote for her Brexit deal so she can bring down the final dull-bladed thud of the guillotine on Britain’s tired, weighty head and end this living nightmare once and for all.

And just so you know she is serious, Members of Parliament for the United Kingdom, she has now warned you all that we ‘may never leave’ the European Union unless you back her.

Fucking hell, what a threat. Better get in line boys and girls.

Speaking in the House of Commons the prime minister told those present to move “past the bitterness” and support her deal, or, and this is the best part, “no one knows what will happen”.

May then brought her tsunami of confidence and optimism – confimism if you will – to Grimsby for a key Brexit speech held at Danish-owned energy giant Orsted.

She told those in attendance they faced “a crucial choice; whether to back the Brexit deal or to reject it. Back it and the UK will leave the European Union. Reject it and no one knows what will happen.”

Incredible. Now that’s optidence for you. It’s like the washer/dryer combo versus the mystery box all over again.

“We may not leave the EU for many months, we may leave without the protections that the deal provides. We may never leave at all,” she concluded.

Great. Glad that’s all sorted then. Glad the last two years haven’t been a complete and total farce. Glad we have a clear and concise plan of how to move forward from this point, with *checks calendar drawn with my own blood on the wall of my office which is an underground bunker built out of Fray Bentos pies* 21 days until Britain is supposed to leave the European Union.

If May’s deal is not passed by the commons on Tuesday then subsequent votes on both a no-deal Brexit and the extension of Article 50 could be taken the following day.

Brexit is dead. Long live Brexit.