Search icon


06th Apr 2019

More than half of Leave voters in UK want death penalty brought back

Wayne Farry


They also want a return to incandescent light bulbs, because why the fuck not?

People who voted Leave in the Brexit referendum were victorious. The United Kingdom is leaving the European Union sooner or later and they should be pretty happy about that.

But what happens when you vote for something that’s little more than an amorphous concept?

Well, if you lose you just go back to the life you’d been living before, but if you win you spend the rest of your days adding fresh meaning to that concept.

So, the vote to leave the European Union wasn’t just about that. It was about immigration, it was about leaving the Customs Union and the Single Market. It was about the shape of bananas. It was about everything you don’t like and everything you do. It becomes an a la carte Brexit. That’s what is happening now.

A recent poll conducted by YouGov illustrated this exact point, with 53 percent of Leave voters stating that they want the death penalty “brought back”.

Just one percent less important than the matter of life and death is the matter of blue passports, so the two most important things to Leave voters is making sure murderers get hanged and not having to look at the colour maroon every time they go abroad.

Next up, we have 48 percent of Leave voters who want a return to pounds and ounces, which is genuinely one of the most baffling things I’ve ever heard.

42 percent of Leave voters want corporal punishment returned to schools, because baby boomers got smacked in school and it did them no harm apart from the fact that every decision they make leads to the world becoming a worse place.

Honestly, just think about it for a second, boomers got sweet jobs for life and cheap mortgages and now they want underpaid teachers to assault your children. That is what Brexit was, and is, about. It always has been, and if you don’t know that you’re just putting your elitist head in the elitist sand.


Almost a third of Leave voters want to bring back incandescent light bulbs, because halogen just isn’t the same, is it?

Finally, we come to the last two: 11 percent of Leave voters want a return to smoking in pubs and restaurants and 9 percent want a return to pre-decimal currency.

Because that, reader, is what Brexit is about. Brexit is about arriving back from holiday with your blue passport, popping over to the town square with your bruised grandchild to watch a thief get guillotined – actually no, too French – to watch a thief get hanged, then going with your family to a restaurant to enjoy four pounds of gruel, 20 Benson and Hedges and all for the price of just 100 shillings in the glow of some incandescent light bulbs.

That’s what everyone voted for. They knew it at the time and they know it now.